Tuesday, September 01, 2009

A year ago today...part III

Monday, September 1, 2009

No phone call through the night. I woke up and couldn't believe it. Daddy must still be alive, 40 hours after being given a prognosis of "hours to live." What did this mean?

Jesse and I stopped at My Favorite Muffin to pick up breakfast. I think this was my self-induced therapy for the next several days. I picked up the muffin because it was comfortable and familiar, never mind the fact that where I would take the muffin would be completely uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Never mind the fact that not a single muffin I bought during this visit would actually be eaten.

Jesse and I spent the day at the hospital. Visitors came and went: Daddy's roommate, Rose, his good friend, Guy, several people he worked with at the Post Office (he'd just retired in April after 39 years of service--don't get me started on the injustice of THAT), people from bowling league, people from square dancing clubs. My father had friends, that's for sure. He was one of the most loyal people I have ever known. He didn't know a stranger, and once you were his friend, it was for life. Most of the people who came to visit had known him longer than I've been alive.

I liked the visitors. For one, it was nice to see how much people loved Daddy. Two, it allowed me a few minutes to leave the room without worrying about him being alone. I would use those times to call Gayle & give her a brief update. After Gayle, I called Kim, who was my grandmother's great niece and caretaker for most of 2008. I didn't want to tell Grandma what was happening to her son-in-law until it resolved one way or another. I was lost without Grandma though. My only sanity when Mama had died was Grandma.

Daddy was fairly alert this day. He actually seemed like himself. He wasn't able to speak, but he joked around by his facial expressions, shooting up one eyebrow in the way he always did.

Dr. Brackett, who had performed both the initial surgery on August 19th and the follow-up where he discovered the mass on August 30th. Royce, Jesse, and I sat down with him and I finally began to understand most of what was happening.

Basically, my father's first surgery was a routine procedure to remove a large polyp. This happened on a Tuesday. Five or so days later, he became really sick and couldn't stop vomiting. They put him in ICU, but he was in stable condition. They just wanted to monitor him closely to see why he wasn't recovering.

They ran tests, one of them being a dye test. The dye never came out, so they decided to do exploratory surgery to fix the apparent obstruction. This surgery took place on August 30th, 11 days after the first surgery. It was supposed to be an hour or so, no big deal. I was fully aware of this much, as I had actually talked to my father on the phone a few times since his initial surgery. I knew he was going into surgery at 2:00 pm and should have been out to recovery a couple of hours later.

When Dr. Brackett opened Daddy up, he found something shocking that he had never seen before (and he was a seasoned doctor...not sure how long exactly, but he had white hair so you figure it out). He found an inflammatory mass tangled up in large veins that most of us do not have. My father, according to Dr. Brackett, had a unique anatomy with his colon on the left side instead of the right and these veins. Dr. Brackett didn't know for sure what had caused the mass but thought perhaps it was this unique anatomy. I have other ideas, like a knife slip.

Because of the veins, the mass couldn't be removed so Dr. Brackett attempted to resection Daddy's colon to bypass the mass. But he didn't really think it would work. Essentially, Daddy had a dead bowel and we were waiting to see if a miracle would happen. Dr. Brackett came out of surgery and informed Royce that Daddy had hours to live.

Here we were, two days later and Daddy was still alive. Nothing about Daddy was conventional. I wasn't the least bit surprised to hear that his colon wasn't like the rest of us. By Monday afternoon, Dr. Brackett expressed disbelief that Daddy was still with us and said that maybe a miracle would happen. He estimated Daddy's chances of survival at 1%, but said the septic shock (self-poisoning) that was going on in Daddy's body could perhaps go on a few days longer before he died.

I was glad Jesse was there to remember what the doctor had told us. As people called my cell, concerned friends who wanted to see how I was doing, I handed the phone to Jesse. Eventually, I gave him the cell. Just answer it and talk to them. Answer their questions so I don't have to.

Jesse was scheduled to leave the next day to return to the brand new job he had started the week before. He decided to stay an extra day, for which I was very grateful. We went to Amy's parents' house, one of my second homes, for a home-cooked meal and some relaxation before returning to Daddy's apartment for the night.

To be continued...

Monday, August 31, 2009

A year ago today...part II

Sunday, August 31, 2008

At 4:15 am, we went to Seatac to catch our 6:00 am flight to Corpus Christi. I had not received a phone call from Royce, so I assumed Daddy was still alive. We made it through security, and decided to buy breakfast at the Starbucks in the lobby. As we sat down, I got a call from a Corpus phone number. Not wanting to talk to anyone, but knowing it could be important, I answered. It was one of the pastors of First Baptist Church, who had heard about Daddy. I had no idea how.

We boarded the plane to Dallas, Jesse in the aisle seat and me in the middle. I put my head in his lap and tried to tune everything else out.

We landed in Dallas. Still no call from Royce, so I called him. Daddy was "hanging in there," and not in much pain, thanks to a lot of morphine. I began to think he would still be alive by the time we made it home. I talked to Gayle, Daddy's favorite aunt. We stopped at a restaurant and ordered barbecue to eat. Jesse ate his food, while I picked at my plate.

Finally, it was time to board our flight to Corpus. An hour later, Royce & Cynthia picked us up at the airport. While waiting at baggage claim, Jesse kept an eye on the luggage while I kept an eye on the door. Cynthia came running into the airport, hugged me, and said she was so sorry this was happening.

We piled into the truck, and Royce said, "Hi, Frank." I'm not sure why, but he thought I was dating someone named Frank.

We raced straight to the hospital. I mentioned needing to rent a car, and Royce reminded me that I could drive my father's truck. I thought how funny it was that my father would absolutely flip his lid if he knew I was driving his precious truck. He hardly let me ride in the passenger seat.

When we arrived at the hospital, I ran into Daddy's room, the first one on the left coming into the ICU. He grinned and threw his arms in the air while I leaped into the bed, careful not to undo any of the machines he was hooked up to. I couldn't believe how aware he was. He knew exactly who I was, and I had been told he wasn't aware of anything at this point. Royce told me that his nurse took him off the morphine for just awhile so he would be able to say goodbye to me when I arrived.

I realized that other people were there in the room at that point. They all left, so Daddy and I could be alone.

I cried and hugged him. I said I love you over and over again. He said he loved me too. I said I was sorry. He just looked at me. He asked me what he did wrong, why things were always so hard for him. I said I didn't know. See, my father had polio when he was a baby. His left side remained forever impaired by the polio. Some scar tissue remained on his brain also, which gave him a lot of challenges in his life. Then he developed epilepsy, and for a long time, had unpredictable seizure episodes. Life wasn't easy for Daddy.

I told him that if he needed to go that I would be okay. I didn't actually believe that, but I said it to him anyway.

Eventually, the ICU staff kicked us all out so they could do whatever it is that they do. Royce & Cynthia treated Jesse & me to dinner. My cousin, Kate, and her boyfriend joined us, as well as Amy. We all gathered for Mexican food, and it was strange to think that while we were eating dinner, my father was a mile away in a hospital bed dying. We even laughed a little. I felt guilty.

Royce & Cynthia dropped us off at Daddy's apartment for the night and told us they would see us at the hospital in the morning.

To be continued...

Sunday, August 30, 2009

A year ago today...

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Jesse & I went to breakfast at one of my favorite places, Alki Bakery. At this time of year, Seattle is lovely. After having delicious breakfast croissants and sharing a cinnamon roll, Jesse & I decided to stroll along Alki Beach. It was very crowded that day, as it tends to be when the sun is out in Seattle. The mood was light and people were cheery.

We returned to my apartment, and I decided to go for a run while Jesse stayed back to study. I ran for nearly an hour, from my apartment in Fremont along Lake Union and almost to downtown. I remember looking out over the lake and marveling at how perfect things seemed to be. Finally, after a grueling job search, I had landed a position at the Art Institute of Seattle. Finally, after nine months of cold, rainy weather, the sun was out. Finally, things were looking up.

I returned to my apartment at about 3:00 pm. Jesse told me that my uncle Royce had called three times. He'd nearly picked it up the last time, but Royce finally left a voicemail. I listened to the voicemail and knew something was wrong. My father had had surgery to remove a large polyp on August 19th, and had not been recovering normally. He had gone into surgery again today so the doctor could see what the issue might be. I had told my boss the day before that it was all routine and everything should be fine, but there was a chance I might have to go to Texas.

I pulled off my running shoes, sat down in the middle of the living room floor, and called Royce. He said he had to tell me something about Daddy, and it wasn't good news. The words started running together and not making sense...

"Took him into surgery....found a large, inflammed mass...entangled in several veins and can't be removed...poisoning...septic shock...hours to live."

I began sobbing. "NO! NO! NO!" into the phone, willing Royce to stop saying such awful things. Willing him to stop saying what could NOT be happening. It was a polyp, a lousy polyp. It was a routine surgery. Everyone else recovers. He hadn't wanted the stupid surgery in the first place. He knew something would go wrong. I told him everything would be fine. I told him he was worrying about nothing.

How was I supposed to get to Texas within HOURS?

Jesse had run into the living room by this time and was holding me, trying to figure out what was going on, what Royce could possibly be telling me.

My roommate of 3 weeks walked into the apartment. I looked at her and continued sobbing. She went to her room.

Royce kept talking..."can come to Texas...we can help you get here...you do whatever you feel is right to do..." I said, "I'm coming. I will get on the next flight I can."

After hanging up the phone, I told Jesse I had to figure out how I was going to get to Texas. He said how "we" were getting to Texas. I looked at him, this boyfriend of 4 months, and said, "Okay, how are we getting to Texas?"

We went to the airport and found a nice woman with American Airlines who gave us a great bereavement fare. The plane left the next morning and got us into Corpus Christi at 4:00 p.m. Nearly 24 hours from when Royce told me my father had hours to live. We booked the flight and went back home.

We had been planning for over a month to see my new favorite movie, Juno, at the Fremont Outdoor Theater that night. Since we couldn't leave until the morning, and I knew I wanted to stay busy until then, we decided to keep our plans and go to the movie.

The evenings in Seattle get quite chilly, even in August. After 45 minutes, I told Jesse that I was cold so we left.

We went back to his house, and tried to go to sleep, knowing we had to wake up at 3:45 am to catch our flight.

To be continued...

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Judging books by their covers

My most recent completed read was Admission by Jean Hanff Korelitz. It was recommended to me by my mostly-cyber-but-also-a-little-in-person friend, Jessica. It was the most beautiful blend of novel and higher education that Jessica knew would be the perfect fit for me.

But I have to admit it. It was the book jacket that got me. I love book jackets. They are colorful and shiny and have lovely emblems or pictures. A book is only as good as its' jacket's graphic designer. In my humble opinion. The jacket of Admission is a fabulous pale yellow with a large A in a fantastic font. The piece de resistance is the ivy (get it? Ivy League...) wrapped cleverly around the A.

Two weeks ago, I dogsat Bella & Tony while Uyen was out of town. Uyen had warned me that Bella loves to eat paper, so when I first began dogsitting her, I made sure I left no paper or books in her reach. One day, I forgot but when I arrived home after work, it did not appear that Bella had consumed any paper products, so I decided it was safe to leave my books on the bottom shelf and other low-lying places.

I was dogsitting Bella & Tony while reading Admission. I had been deeply entrenched in the world of Portia Nathan and the Princeton University admission process when it finally happened. I came home after work to find the jacket of Admission torn to pieces. While the actual book was perfectly salvaged and readable, Admission lost its luster. To me, it was now just a brown book.

Oh, I still read it. I still wanted to know what happened to Portia. But it wasn't the same. The reading experience lost much of its pleasure...all because my beautiful ivy-covered A was no longer there.

To see the cover for yourself, go here.

I have decided to save a little money by checking books out of the library rather than buying them. Right now, I am reading Joe College by Tom Perrotta. I'm experiencing quite a bit of disequlibrium between the exhilaration of reading new books for free, yet not knowing what the covers look like. See, when you check hard-cover books out of the library (pardon me if I am insulting your intelligence by explaining this), they have removed the book jacket. Not only am I missing the aesthetically pleasing book jacket, but I found it nearly impossible to enjoy perusing the aisles of books without the benefit of the synopsis normally provided in the book jacket. I had to rely on the appealing title to guide me.

I didn't get far into Joe College before my concentration broke and I had to know. What does the book jacket look like? Go here if you are just as curious.

Hi, my name is Peggy. And I judge books by their covers.

Friday, August 21, 2009

So...tired...must....rest...now.

Orientation was Tuesday. 12.5 hour work day. Nearly got stuck in the elevator with student worker (who thought us being stuck was hilarious).

Registration was Thursday. 10 hour work day. 3,258 pissed off students unable to get into some class or another.

Water main break was Friday. 8 hour work day, but had to go potty at the next building over. Did not get the email with this information until after I had gone potty in our building. Thought co-worker & friend, Icy, who was in there just ahead of me, was DISGUSTING for not washing her hands. Before I knew there was no water. Then realized I could still be friends with her.

We have decided we will never, EVER, do orientation during the week registration opens. Ever. Ever.

Just when I think some of my friends, who shall remain nameless, have quit blogging for all eternity, they return with a witty vengeance. Glad to see you back, Paula & Maggie. Others, who shall remain nameless, have yet to return and just might get kicked off my "Blogs I love and you should too list" (to your right). Are you coming back, Nicole & Abby? There are others, who shall remain nameless, who so regularly update only 3 times a year that I keep them on the blog roll, knowing that one of these 90 days, there will be an update. Kate.

It's shaping up to be a splendid weekend. MelSat is on her way to Denton as I type. MelSat, one of the funniest people ever to grace Earth, will no doubt have stories of meth mommies and other dysfunctional folks to tell...because when you're a social worker in Tulsa, Oklahoma, what else is there to talk about? We will meet up with Amy tomorrow because she is in town visiting the in-laws. The plan is to have lunch and then go ice skating. Ice skating. Have I mentioned that Amy (LOVE HER) is one of the clumsiest people ever? Surely, ice skating will be a treat. Funniest Person Ever and Clumsiest Person Ever on ice skates. Bring it.

As if that wasn't enough, the co-workers and I are hitting up the Movie Tavern in Denton to see The Time Traveler's Wife tomorrow night. We've already read the book, which had me boo-hooing so I'm certain there will be nothing left of me when I walk out. So, we've decided to go get drinks after the movie to soothe ourselves.

Sunday, I will sleep.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Weekend Update

I've lived in Denton since April 11...4 months today, hard to believe. In some ways, it's gone by quickly but in other ways very slowly. I will say that each month goes more quickly and I've gotten more adjusted. In my 4 months here, this past weekend was my 4th to stay in Denton (including Jesse's visit). I've been doing lots of traveling, needless to say. But it was pretty nice to settle in with a couple of movie rentals on Friday afternoon/evening instead of making poor Louise take me across the state somewhere.

Watch "New in Town" and "Bart Got a Room"--check
Work out to The Biggest Loser Cardio Max video--check
Lay out by the pool--check
Work out to The Ultimate Tae-Bo Workout--check (and near-death experience)--check
Sleep in until 10:30 am (Saturday) and 11:45 am (Sunday)--check
Read at Barnes & Noble with an iced chai latte & Asiago cheese pretzel--check
Find a fabulous steal-of-a-deal on silver sandals at Urban Outfitters--check
Enjoy a delicious Mexican meal at Gloria's with new friend Amber--check
Laughed til I cried at Improv Comedy, thanks to Last Comic Standing's Lavell Crawford and his amazing opening act--check
Adopted Bella & Tony for the week--check
Grocery shopping--check

Not too shabby for a weekend in Denton.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

The Story of the Good Advisor

*Note: This is a true story, based on actual people and events. Names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.

Once upon a time, there was a young girl named Amanda*. She was 18 years old, and her parents had just announced their divorce to her and her younger brother. Amanda moved with her mother and brother to the Midwest, thousands of miles from the New England home where she had lived her entire life.

Amanda decided to attend college at the state university in town. However, she lacked direction or a clear plan for her life and did poorly in classes. After two years of wandering, she decided that college was not for her, and she left.

Working at a GAP in the city, her academic advisor visited every three months without fail. Ms. Advisor left her business card and an encouraging remark for Amanda, reminding her that if she decided to return to college, Ms. Advisor would help her every step of the way.

After two years of these visits, Amanda walked out of the GAP and back into the gates of State U. She marched into Ms. Advisor's office without an appointment or any forewarning, sobbing over her feelings of lostness and failure.

Ms. Advisor picked up Amanda's mantle, connecting her to a full-ride scholarship and sources of support for students like Amanda. With these connections and Ms. Advisor's constant guidance, Amanda graduated from State U in two years with honors.

Amanda now has a Master's degree in higher education and advocates for students like herself in her position as a coordinator of Student Activities at Big Texas U. She hopes to earn a Ph.D. after gaining more work experience. Amanda concluded her story by saying, "Ms. Advisor changed my life. I wouldn't be where I am today without her."

And that is what I can only hope a student will say about me someday.

Monday, August 03, 2009

What I've been up to...

5 years of growing my hair out...gone in an hour!

Weekend at the Brownwood Sleep-N-Eat with Gayle & Lynn
Royce & Cynthia joined in!

Dogsitting beautiful Bella

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Dream Wedding Entrance



I heard about this on the radio the other day and was dying of curiosity...so glad I found it on You Tube! Wouldn't I love to see my best friends doing this??

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Another sad goodbye...

In 2002-2003, I lived in Senegal, West Africa. I moved to Senegal on short notice because I was kicked out of Cote d'Ivoire where I'd been living and working for the past year due to a civil war breaking out in the country.

Upon moving to Senegal, I moved in with a girl who really liked to hug people. Kate & I lived in a truly West African apartment. We were the only white people on our street. One day, our West African plumbing went to crap (no pun intended...seriously, I didn't see it coming until I read it) and water flooded our poor downstairs neighbors, the Niang family.

17 year old Amadou helped us control the flooded apartment building, and quickly became a close friend, as did the rest of the Niang family. I told many stories of this family to my own friends & family back in the States and tried to convey the close friendship Kate & I had developed with the mother, Ndeye (pronounced "day"), and her 4 sons, Amadou (17), Pappi (15), Souleymane (10), and little Cire (5). The first (and only) daughter, Yacine, was born just before I had to return to the States.

We hung out with them constantly, and benefited from the fabulous cooking skills of Ndeye's househelpers. We played with the kids and grew to love each of them in a special way. Just as in America, Souleymane (or Souley, as his mother called him) seemed to almost disappear from attention as the middle child. He had a shyness about him that made you just want to shower affection on him.

In 2005, we recieved news that the father of this family passed away. Kate, Kari, Marcy, and I all hurt for this family that experienced such a great loss. Today, Kate let us know that little Souleymane passed away in an accident last week. I don't know any details, but my heart immediately felt a deep hurt over losing him. Though I haven't seen or talked to him since my visit in 2005, the Niang family, and Souleymane, are often in my thoughts. This is a very special family. Please consider praying for them when you read this blog.

Souley, Yacine, and Cire (I believe this was around 2004)

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Today

I have some thoughts. They aren't very profound, neverthless, here they are.

For those who didn't see it on my facebook status, I saw a sign the other day near my place for "Mable Peabody's Beauty Parlor & Chainsaw Repair...
night club." What. I was dumbfounded, so befuddled by this mysterious place that I missed the light turning and was honked at by a rather disgruntled gentleman in a truck made circa 1975. "Well, excuse me sir...but do you not see the stranger than strange place claiming to be a business?" A friend of mine has since confirmed that it is a gay/lesbian bar. I still don't get it.

Jillian is down to two eligible gentleman on The Bachelorette. I was all for Ed, who bares a striking resemblance to Denny from Grey's Anatomy, until he wore an atrocious pair of swim trunks and awful suit that were from the same year as the truck in my first anecdote. (Yes, I choose my men based solely on what they wear.) However, Kiptyn is just...too perfect. Something must be wrong. Jillian's decision-making has been quite wackadoodle all season (I know, the pot calling the kettle black) so I'm a little worried about the poor girl, but hopefully all will be right in this not-reality world.

I am bored at work. I haven't been bored at work in a long time. In fact, I have been feeling like I am on a treadmill, running and getting nowhere, most days because we have been that busy. The last memorable time I was really, really bored at work was Labor Day 2006. I joined eHarmony because I had too much time on my hands, filled out their 1000-question profile, and then was annoyed to find that my first match was smokin' HOT and I could only talk to him if I joined. I am now trying to blog my boredom away because I obviously shouldn't join eHarmony again...Jesse probably would have a problem with that.

Speaking of the devil...ahem, I mean, speaking of my fantastic boyfriend, I bought a ticket today for a Labor Day holiday weekend in Seattle. Yay! Only 45 days til I see my Jesse...but who's counting?

And finally, after searching and searching (okay, I looked once) for a bike, my co-worker gave me her twice-used mountain bike for free! Immediately, I took the bike to a local shop where they aired my tires, adjusted the seat, and helped me strap a bike rack onto my car. On the way out, after owning my bike for less than an hour and having yet to even ride it, I nearly broke my toe on the bike rack leaving the store. There was cussing and gnashing of teeth for about 3 minutes. Since then, I have enjoyed watching my toe take on the colors of the rainbow.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Can't get enough of...


Auntie Pegs went to visit Amy & Emma (and Josh) this weekend...the last time I saw Emma, she was about 6 weeks old...now she is just shy of 4 months! So there's been a lot of growing and I got some great pics on my new digital camera!

Behold, the beauty that is Emma:

Mama (Amy) Byrd, Emma, and Me (with the diaper bag)

Josh stayed home with Emma & Maggie (the pooch) while Amy and I went to a movie (The Proposal, for inquiring minds who want to know)...what a good daddy!

Look at those squeezable cheeks!

And that adorable smile!

Emma & Auntie Pegs hanging out

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Inside...

Inside, I feel sad.

Inside, I grieve deeply. Everyday.

Inside, I can't believe they are all dead.

How did I get here? I am only 31. I haven't gotten married or had kids. And now, now I have...

No Mama.
No Daddy.
No Aama.
No Russell & Louise.

I miss my mama. My warrior. The one who loved me when I lied to her face (it was only a white lie, but that seemed to matter little.) The one who came to my kickball games dressed in our team's colors and yelled louder than any other parent. The one who supported me by herself (and some child support) through five years of divorce. The one who called me Peaches & Pumpkin Cream Pie (don't ask, I have no idea to this day).

I miss my daddy. The one who took off work and got on an airplane, two things he hadn't done in 20 years, to see me graduate with a master's degree. The one who could never say or do anything unkind to anyone. The one who loved to joke and tease and always have fun. The one who snored louder and tooted stinkier than anyone I've ever known.

I miss my beloved grandmother who was my best friend. For those of you who may not know, she is the one in the picture with me at the top of this blog. The one I called Aama, which means "Mama" in Nepalese, though I had no idea when I began calling her that. The one I talked to everyday. The one who always picked up the phone, no matter what time it was. The one who never, ever got tired of listening to my stories. The one who stood at her driveway and waved until my car was out of sight. The one who was my rock, my pillar. The one for whom there are no words to describe all of the ways she was "the one who."

I miss my grandfather who I was terrified of for a good part of my life, but I later understood loved me so much. The one who helped pay for my college to make sure I had a good education. The one who laughed when the juice from my corn on the cob splattered on his right spectacle despite the utter impropriety of it.

I miss my other grandmother who helped to raise me during the years of divorce. The one who took it upon herself to teach me what it means to have self-respect and dignity. The one who painstakingly tried to teach a pre-teen good manners and how to be a proper lady. The one who is responsible for the best breakfast meal ever, Golden Rod Eggs.

Within the past 10 months, 3 of them died. I was at the bedside of one, my father, as he took his last breath and left this world. Within the past 2.5 years, 4 of them died. At the age of 19, this daughter lost her mother. I often wonder, what will become of me? My heritage is all gone. I don't even have a brother or sister to share this load of grief with. How will I get married and have kids without them? Worse, what if I don't get married and have kids, and this was the last of the family I will have?

Everyday, I miss these five pillars. Everyday, I wonder how I will continue without them. I miss their voices. I miss their wisdom. I miss their touches. I miss their unconditional, always & forever love.

Inside, I miss them.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Slightly spur of the moment...

I decided to crash my aunt Cynthia and uncle Royce's house in Kerrville for the 4th of July! My cousins Beau & Kate were also going to be in town, so the decision to go was an easy one. A quick one hour flight to San Antonio got me to fun and family for the weekend. I didn't take a single picture...but I did steal Ann's (my cousin Beau's girlfriend) pictures so you may thank her that you can see the "Weekend In Pictures."

Uncle Royce & Aunt Cynthia--aren't they fun?

Beau & Ann

Me & Kate

Kate, Aunt Cynthia, Me

Kate, Ann, Me

Beau, Ann, Kate, Me, Paul (Beau & Kate's cousin on the other side)

Beau's dogs, Gauge & Wes-super stoked about our trip to the river

Wes & Gauge, enjoy the ride
Gauge's massive lips would flap out with the wind--hysterical

Pretty river

Play time!

This is how I feel when I try to get out of the pool too.

Happy, wet Gauge

Fun times at the river
(Note: Beau is throwing a ball that the dogs are fetching...all the dogs except Gauge--in the back left. He was the loner off fishing by himself whilst the rest of the pups fetched like pros.)

Beau, Kate, and the seriously illegal 4th of July rocket

Beau and the seriously legal (albeit boring in comparison) sparklers

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

What a difference two years can make...

Cookie gathered the girls tonight at her place for some good food and good company. Unfortunately, I took no pictures but hopefully Marcy will send some of hers my way. A gal was there that I hadn't seen or kept in contact with since I moved away from Denton, nearly two years ago. This was how the conversation went:

Friend: Hey Peggy! It's great to see you! How's your grandma doing?

Peggy: Oh, um...she died.

Friend: OMG, I'm so sorry. When? Are you okay?

Peggy: Yeah, it was pretty natural. She kind of went downhill the last year and was living with relatives...I'm doing better now.

Friend: Wow...so how's your dad?

Peggy: Um, he died too.

Friend: WHAT?

Peggy: Yeah, freak accident from a routine surgery last September, pretty crazy.

Friend: Whoa. Well, do you still have your dog?

Peggy: (bursts out laughing) No...I had to give him away.

Seriously. What kind of 2 minute conversation is that? It was a little awkward. I kind of tried to deflect, but really in the end...I had to see the humorous side in having to answer each question that way.

In the end, it was a good night of girl talk and way too many calories.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Adventures of the LDR: Episode 2

This past weekend was the second visit Jesse & I had as a couple in an LDR (long distance relationship, if you recall).

Here are some nibbles:

On Saturday, we went to the apartment pool for a swim. Upon arriving, we discovered the complex was hosting a pool party, and giving away free stuff every 15 minutes. In two hours, we won a gift card to Chili's and another to Wal-Mart. Thanks to this, Jesse has now experienced the glory of Chili's skillet queso. We then meandered Wal-Mart trying to decide what we could buy to share while 2700 miles apart. Then my eye caught the perfect thing...aqua socks for the water park the next day! Let me tell you...we looked C-O-O-L.

On Saturday night, we went to Improv Comedy Club in Addison, TX. The featured comedienne was Iliza Shlesinger, the winner of last season's Last Comic Standing. This was the 3rd attempt at professional comedy for Jesse and I, and we were pinning our hopes on Iliza to redeem the lousy acts we had seen before. She was, in a word, kick-tail. I highly recommend googling her (or clicking on her name above) to see for yourself.

We went to Hurricane Harbor on Monday, the perfect day since all the normal folks are working and lines are very short. We decided to go to "Boogie Beach" where you can basically surf on boogie boards. There was a beginner beach and an advanced beach. We decided to try each. On the beginner beach, Jesse flashed approximately 20 men & women when his trunks came down. On the advanced beach, I flashed approximately 20 men when my bottom fell...as I grabbed my bottom to pull up, my top flapped to the left, completely exposing both of the girls. Humiliating! Far worse is the fact that I thought only the left lady was revealed and while putting her back in place, Jesse ran over and covered me, whispering in my ear as 20 men went "Woohoo!" that my right lady was also showing off for the crowd. O.M.G.

At the airport, we bid a very sad adieu for our longest time apart...2.5 months until Labor Day. I cried. Yep, I was that girl.

Addendum: Jesse saw (and stalked) Carrot Top through the Las Vegas airport on his way home.

Friday, June 19, 2009

I watch So You Think You Can Dance. I cried last night when Max got sent home. Not because I care so much about Max, but because the camera shot his partner, Kayla, crying because her partner was sent home. Bummer.

I haven't done much lately, so that has been reflected on the blog. Let's see, what can I scrape from the bottom of the blog possibilities barrel to share with you?

Jesse arrives in Dallas in 7 hours. Yay! Bella is excited to meet him...Uyen has warned me that Bella will insist on sitting between us at all times. We'll see who wins that fight.

Work has been crazy this week. Crazy, I tell you. Our admin assistant has been on vacation, so we've been doing our jobs and hers. Every phone call. Every walk-in. Every second. Of every day. We will be oh-so-glad to have Susan back in the office!

I have not returned to yoga class since my first endeavor; however, it is only a matter of time before I "OMMMM" once again.

My boyfriend is so romantic. While we have a mere 3 days together, he REALLY wants to...go see the new Pixar movie, "Up." Seriously.

Other Planned Activities List:
-Stare at each other the first hour once again acclimating to actually being in each other's presence
-Move Bella to one side of us instead of in the middle
-Hugs
-Hurricane Harbor, the water park next to Six Flags
-Babe's Chicken Dinner House
-Billy Bob's
-Kissses
-More hugs
-More kisses

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

On Oklahoma Adventures

This past weekend, I went to Tulsa, OK, to visit my friend Melissa for her birthday. Something extraordinary (and by "extraordinary" I literally mean out of the ordinary and do not necessarily make a positive or negative connotation) always happens when I go to Oklahoma.

In 2006, I was in a wedding in Norman. The designer of my bridesmaid dress finished 3rd on Project Runway that year (Kane) and I met him personally for a fitting.

Also in 2006, I went to Oklahoma for something and met a guy from my online classes for the first time. We had expressed interest in each other throughout our classroom interactions, so it was almost like online dating, except instead of eHarmony or match.com being the platform, it was DBU's Blackboard. Slightly less impressive than the typical online dating venues...but only slightly.

In 2007, I joined my friend on her trip to Miami, OK, to pick up the new poodle she was adopting. Wilbert and her original poodle (whose name has completely left me) were also in, so the 2 gals and 3 dogs road-tripped. We were screamed at by a turnpike attendant and honked at by numerous other drivers because we were stupid Texans who didn't know that Oklahoma charges people $3.50 to drive on the interstate and all we had were debit cards--no cash.

In 2009, a new story joins the ranks of such fine adventures. Mels and I stayed at her co-worker's house to make the trip to float the river that much shorter in the morning (it wasn't that much shorter, turns out, but that's another blog post). Said co-worker went on a date that evening, so Mels & I had the place to ourselves. I decided to have a glass of milk before going to bed. The only milk I could find was in an odd-sized container, but I poured a glass anyway and settled on the couch.

I took my first swig, a nice big one, and OH.MY. It was the worst taste I have EVER had in my mouth. I couldn't dream of swallowing so I ran to the kitchen and spit it in the sink. I yelled to Mels how awful it was and she said, "Ohhhh. I bet it was buttermilk." A check of the container confirmed the horrible truth that I had indeed allowed buttermilk to touch my lips.

The next morning, Co-worker told Mels that she had to run to the store for some milk to cook breakfast. Mels relayed the buttermilk story, so Co-worker went to the fridge and took out the container.

The buttermilk was not only buttermilk, but EXPIRED buttermilk. Expired. April. 6. 2009. A full two months to the day that I drank it.

O.M.G.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

National Champs!...OMMM.

My University of Washington Huskies women's softball team defeated the Florida Gators 2 games in a row to win the first ever national championship at the Women's College World Series! It was really fun to cheer on the team even though I'm far away in Texas now. Bella slept while I yelled at the dramatic plays that led to the win.

I also experienced a sense of nostalgia remembering my own high school softball days...facts you may not know:
1) I played varsity softball my junior & senior years (the program started my junior year) and earned the prized letter for my letterman jacket my senior year.
B) I was born to be an outfielder; however, because I am 5'7" and left-handed my coach tried to make me a first baseman. When I earned a busted chin that even the big bad baseball players gawked at by missing a ball at first base, he put me back in the outfield. Good choice. And, I told you so.
D) I earned all-district honorable mention for defense my senior year.
4) My # was 10. Who knows why.
Q) My favorite softball moment was a diving catch I made to end a game. Yay me!
Z) My other favorite moment was when our team won the district during our first year having a program. We had about 8 seniors that graduated, and virtually had to start with a new team the next year.

Not that most of my readers are going to give two hoots about this, but here is a link to more if you want to read up on UW win.

In other news, I went to my first ever yoga class on Monday night. Work was particularly insane on Monday, so I planned to just veg on my couch and watch the Bachelorette (yes, I'm THAT girl). At 7:05, Jesse convinced me that my extreme fatigue was exactly why I should participate in the invigorating activity that is yoga.

The 90 minute class began with Becky, the instructor, introducing me. She loved that I wrote "just curious" on my form as to why I was there, and let everyone know that I was a yoga virgin. Then, class commenced with a group chorus of three "OOMMMMM"'s.

I was pretty proud of myself. Despite the fact that Becky came over to me and literally pushed my body in some way or another 3 or so times, I never had to stop and take a break...did I mention the class was 90 minutes? So it took a lot of stamina (but nothing compared to the spinning class I tried a few years ago...I was surprised I still had a rear end when that was over).

The wierd thing about yoga is that while I was simultaneously feeling the slight pain of muscles being stretched in new ways, I was so relaxed that I almost fell asleep a couple of times. Becky talked to us while we did the different poses and I felt a renewed sense of "I'm awesome"-ness upon leaving that evening.

So, to all of you faithful blog readers I bless you with a great big "OOOMMMMMM."

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Brownwood = Sleep 'n' Eat


Literally all I do when I go to Great Aunt Gayle & Uncle Lynn's place is sleep and eat. Don't believe me? Here was my schedule on Saturday:

10:15 am-wake up
10:30 am-breakfast (served on a silver platter)
11:00 am-chat in the living room, sprawled on the couch
12:00 pm-watch the 3 pooches play outside and talk with Lynn on the porch
1:00 pm-fall asleep on the couch
4:00 pm-wake up from 3 hour nap
4:10 pm-eat "chocolate layered thing" Gayle made for the weekend
5:00 pm-offer to help Gayle with dinner, set the table (the extent of my activity)
5:05 pm-watch Lynn grill ribeye steaks
5:30 pm-eat my weight in steak 'n' taters
6:15 pm-lounge on the couch
7:00 pm-watch the pooches play outside
7:30 pm-lounge on the couch
10:30 pm-go to bed

Too bad that's not everyday life!
Gayle & me

Lynn grilling the steaks

Beautiful Bella

Beautiful Bella again

Gayle & Lynn's mini schnauzer, Frankie...in a yoga pose

Lynn spoils the dogs--looks like Bella is beating the boys!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Memorial Day in Seattle

*Note: If you haven't, please read the comments for the post below "Vote is what they're calling it these days." You won't be sorry.

I had a whirlwind long weekend in Seattle for Memorial Day to visit Jesse and it was loads of fun. For those who haven't been in a long distance relationship (heretofore called "LDR"), I'm here to say that it is a learning experience. We have discovered a new appreciation of each other and are discovering things about ourselves as individuals and as a couple. It's not easy, but it has been good in some unexpected ways.

One thing you experience in an LDR is how positively wierd the other person looks after having not seen them in awhile. When I arrived in Seattle, Jesse was waiting for me at the top of the escalator to baggage claim (aw...) and we just stared at each other. He looked different. But the same. But different.

After about an hour, we had recovered and felt fairly normal again.

Going on a small hike and overlooking the river

We took Ginger to the park with us and she was quite happy. Can you tell?

Happy Ginger

We went to the Northwest Folklife Festival, an annual event in Seattle, where various bands perform (Irish Fiddle and West African percussion, to name a couple) and you can take dance classes of all types. There was also a TON of food--and I learned that a funnel cake is also called an "elephant ear"...which makes it far less appetizing in my opinion. Jesse and I met up with Chrissy and a couple of her friends for the festivities.

Chrissy & me

A reggae band performs


Attempt #1 to capture the Space Needle in my hands

Attempt #2

Attempt #3

Holly, Chrissy, Me, Jesse, and Pat

The Fountain--the center of the festivities

A good weekend--so good that we have already got Jesse on a plane to Texas on June 19th!

Since I need something to post before I can download pics and update on Seattle trip....

8 things I am looking forward to...
1. June 19--Jesse's coming to TX!
2. Sleeping tonight
3. A steak 'n' taters dinner in Brownwood this weekend
4. American Idol 2010 (I know, I'm pathetic)
5. The future (most days I'm looking forward to it)
6. April 2010
7. So You Think You Can Dance (tonight)
8. The day I enjoy running again

8 things I did yesterday...
1. work
2. check email
3. snuggle Bella
4. talked to Jesse (I think I did this one 5 times)
5. eat string cheese and chips & salsa for lunch
6. read a good book (Testimony, by Anita Shreve)
7. talked to Great Aunt Gayle
8. finally sorted my stacked up pile of mail

8 things I wish I could do...
1. sleep w/o waking 5 times to pee every night
2. eat all I want and stay thin (I'll steal that one, Liz!)
3. draw
4. not be a sore loser (anyone who has played Spades with me has seen my truly dark side)
5. not let others' opinions concern me (amen, Liz!)
6. worry less
7. figure out what faith and truth means to me
8. get rid of my allergies once and for all

8 shows I watch...
1. American Idol
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. E! News
4. The Office
5. The Hills (I know, I know)
6. So You Think You Can Dance
7. If I'm able, Regis & Kelly and Ellen (usually miss it b/c of work)
8. E True Hollywood Story

8 people I tag...
1. Kari
2. Mrs. Darling
3. Amber
4. Emma (can Emma blog at only 2 months?)
5. Mi' Boone
6. Nicole
7. Rick
8. Karina

Thursday, May 21, 2009

"Voting" is what they're calling it these days...

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO! The next Jason Mraz/Jack Johnson is on his way!! Kris Allen won American Idol and sent me reeling into ecstasy. Okay, that's probably a bit overly dramatic but I was super excited. When he reprised "Ain't No Sunshine" on the piano Tuesday night, I may or may not have drooled on Sara's couch.

Speaking of Sara, good story. Sara had never watched American Idol (or not this season, at least) until I moved to Denton and forced her to watch with me. She immediately started swooning for Kris, and confessed to me that on Tuesday night after the show, she sneaked into her bathroom so that I wouldn't know and VOTED. Ha ha ha. I can just imagine her dialing away, getting a busy signal because Kris' line was busy due to all the votes coming his way, and as the minutes pass, she's wondering if I'm wondering what she's doing in the bathroom so long..."voting"...sure, Sara.

In unrelated-to-Idol news, I will be in Seattle in a mere 24 hours! And I am blissfully happy to report that the weekend forecast promises a high of 70 degrees and sunny through Monday! Since people realized the swine flu is a flu, and not the death trap they initially feared, I will not have to commandeer the plane after all. Rest assured, I will be in seat 19C and not the cockpit.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Wow is Me weekend

*Note: Newly edited to reflect the end of the spoiler alert.*

On Friday morning, I found out that my aunt, uncle & cousin wouldn't be able to come to Dallas for the weekend after all. For ten seconds, I considered the "Woe is me" approach, and then decided that option stunk. So I opted for the "Wow is me" approach instead. (That last sentence? Perhaps the cheesiest, dorkiest, ickiest sentence uttered on this blog to date. Please continue reading anyway.)

Once I found out I didn't have to wait until Monday, I immediately downloaded the Grey's Anatomy finale after work. By 5:18, I was watching. QUASI-SPOILER ALERT: OMG. Seriously, couldn't George have just joined the Army? We know T.R. Knight is going off the show (despite the back & forth, we know in our heart of hearts...and the complete lack of story line for George the entire season was a good giveaway), but did it have to be so fracking brutal? I was bawling and yelling at the computer.

**END OF QUASI-SPOILER ALERT**

I decided to lay out for the first time since my return to Texas. It only took 5 weeks, but I reveled in the sunshine on Friday early evening, at the perfect time to start on my tan without feeling like I was acquiring third degree burns and sweating whlist not moving a muscle. I read and tanned by the pool for about an hour. Glorious.

Then, while on a roll, I decided to...work out! I haven't worked out in an embarrassingly long time, considering I used to be the type who felt like a lazy bum if I skipped one day of working out. But not only does my fantastically fancy new apartment complex have a gate that requires a special code to enter and a luxurious pool, but also a cute little fitness center!! Since the weather was so perfect, I did cardio outside before doing weight training in the fitness room.

By now, I was feeling great. And I stank. I think my body wasn't used to A) a workout and B) temperatures above 45 degrees. Upon returning to the apartment, Bella, who normally cuddles up to me the second I come home, turned her nose at me and walked away. I took her cue and showered.

On Saturday, I decided to continue my Wow is Me weekend. It was pretty nasty weather outside, thunder and rain, so I did my favorite rainy day activity. I parked myself in a fat comfy chair at Starbucks with a good higher education nerd book (Getting Mentored in Graduate School) and a Mocha Frappucino Light w/Whip (let's face it, if I order the light frap, then I should get whipped cream for a reward).

Finally, the weather cleared a bit so I took Bella on a stroll into the neighbordhood next to my complex. Turns out, I live in the ghetto. My fancy complex is on the boundary or some seedy stuff. I guess I won't go running after dark.

After the stroll, I repeated Friday evening's activities since I had enjoyed them so much. I can't say I read at the pool...I was too distracted by the ten year old boys yelling "incoming" so many times, I almost cannon balled into the pool on them to make them shut the *?!* up. I mean, I love it when boys let all their energy out in productive ways like swimming...so healthy.

And yes, I even worked out again! 20 minutes on the elliptical (pause for Mrs. Darling to laugh heartily at the thought that that even consitutes a workout) and weight training later, I returned to the apartment. Bella is irritated to find out the stink was not a one time thing.

Then...oh, but THEN. I put on my black halter dress and red heels, and I went salsa dancing in Dallas! "Who did you go with?" is what you're asking. The answer, an unequivocal, "My fabulous self!" Yes, I did. After having talked to only Bella and the Starbucks guy for over 24 hours, I had to get out. And get out, I did.

I met a great gal in line behind me who sweet talked both of us out of cover charge and made a lovely new friend for the evening before we both were asked to dance. I then recalled how to dance salsa to the best of my ability since it had been awhile, but I think I did fairly well. More than my dancing, I was proud of myself for being brave enough to go dancing in Dallas solo.

Sunday brought some sort of eye allergy which I carry with me today. My left eye is kicking and screaming to close, but I keep making her stay at work. (Yes, I'm blogging at work--we're caught up!). Uyen brought over Bella's brother, Tony, to play and they had a grand time. (Why didn't I think to take pictures?)

So, I wasn't in Dallas all weekend with the fam--which I'm not gonna lie, was disappointing at first. But I learned that I can survive a weekend on my own, and enjoy it!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Dr. So-and-So

Warning: Possible boring as all get out blog post below. Read at your own risk of falling asleep.

I did not blog much about my experience as a doctoral student. I decided to pursue doctoral study to open my opportunities and because, well, I'm a nerd. I read books like Student Success in College and A is for Admissions and Sociology in Education for fun. I shop for pleasure reading in the textbook section of the University Bookstore. You don't do that if you aren't destined or academia.

What is odd is that while actually enrolled in the program, I wanted to be watching TV or hanging out with friends instead of studying and writing papers. I enjoyed class but lacked motivation. I thought I didn't want to be in school anymore. I had a posh life my first couple of quarters--an assistantship working with people I liked and getting free tuition for a world-class education. And I gave it up for laziness.

But the moment I left the program last year, I missed it. I missed the collegiate atmosphere, being around like-minded people who had read the same nerdy books and understood the world of higher education. The discussions of improving America's educational systems and addressing issues of social injustice and inequality as it related to school (usually in the form of access). The idea that I could make a change. The idea that I was meant for more than advising for the next 40 years.

So I returned. Again, I enjoyed class. I was thrilled to be back on campus, learning the history of education and how we got to the point we are at today, learning the cultural and social mores that drive our educational systems.

But I had a problem. I like to know where I'm going. And the thing with a doctoral program is that it's nebulous. You have to figure out on your own what you need and what questions to ask. I didn't know. I didn't know how to connect one class to another. I wrote a paper on the Seven Sisters in one class and organizational theory as it related to the budget crisis at a community college in the next. It all seemed fragmented and I could not see how to pull it together.

I didn't know what I was doing, but everyone else seemed to. People who began the program at the same time as me seemed on the direct path to graduation. I am the type A person who needs a plan. There are about 5 prescribed classes on my degree plan...the rest is up to you. So I picked classes at random. I didn't know what to choose for a dissertation topic, or even what choices to choose from. I felt lost. I felt like I just couldn't do it.

I left the program a second time. And I've missed it again. All the things I mentioned before is what I miss so I won't list it all again. I have checked 10 books out of the UNT library and read several articles on a possible dissertation topic. Now that the pressure of having to do it for school is off, I have thrown myself into it FOR FUN. However, I will not do what I did last time, the boomerang move back to Seattle from Texas. Isn't there some old saying about repeating the same actions and expecting different results amount to idiocy? Well, I may be many things but let's hope idiot isn't one of them.

If I return to the program, I know that I will need things to be different.
1) I will need to know exactly what classes remain for me to move on to exams.
2) I will need to have narrowed down my dissertation topic to perhaps 2-3 options that I feel confident I can move forward with, though preferably I would have completely settled on a topic.
3) I would need regular support from the following: my faculty advisor, a staff mentor, and at least 2 peers, preferably one ahead of me in the program and one at the same stage.

I have ideas churning in my mind addressing all of these.

1) I have outlined 3 possibilities for remaining classes. My advisor would need to approve these. The one I'm hoping for is the one that would only require 17 more credits before I hit the dissertation phase. (17 credits amounts to approximately 6 classes.) The more likely scenario would require 21 more credits.

2) I have been talking with my fantastic friend Uyen who herself is writing her dissertation for her PhD in higher education. She is an invaluable resource right now. She has helped me with focusing in on possible topics, one being a study of advising relationships at the doctoral level and how those affect student experience. Another I have contemplated is the cohort vs. non-cohort structure of a doctoral program--does the level of support offered by a cohort positively, negatively, or not affect student success?

3) I am a person who needs loads of support and can't go it alone. But in an effort to not look stupid (doctoral students do NOT want to appear stupid and academically they are used to not looking stupid, in case you hadn't guessed) and not continually bother busy people, I tried to just go it alone. And anyone who has attemped doctoral education can tell you that going it alone is nearly impossible and completely miserable. The experience is inherently isolating because generally your friends and family probably don't understand or care about the issues that you are throwing yourself into, body and soul. So I have my advisor, and he has been incredibly supportive and available when I have asked for help. I stopped asking, though. So I would need to pick up that relationship again. I would also ask for mentorship from my fanstastic supervisor at the Information School at the UW that I just interned with and from my other fantastic supervisor from my assistantship at the UW my first year. My assigned peer mentor has been a fabulous support that I have off and on taken advantage of, and would need to continue to do so. And there's a gal who started at the same time as me who has never looked back (to my knowledge) and is stinking brilliant.

So these are my thoughts. Now, don't worry. I have no plans of doing another boomerang move to Seattle. I miss Jesse and of course he plays into all of this. But I have learned that my life is my own, and I can only count on me. So I plan to think about this and talk with my advisor over the next several months to see how things progress, namely with a dissertation topic, and if this is what I want for my life. The moral of this too-long blog story? We'll see.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Checklists

*Note: 2 new posts today. Be sure to scroll.

Pegs' Checklist:
Moved into new apartment--check
New red couch delivered--check
Cable & internet hooked up--check
Saw man with cowboy hat and Wranglers on youth-sized bike with youth-sized pink backpack--check.
Made 2 major Target trips--check
Borrowed Bella the wiener dog from Uyen--check
Bought shower curtain that didn't match towels--check
Returned said shower curtain--check
Bought appropriate shower curtain--check
Bought trash can that didn't fit under kitchen sink--check
Returned said trash can--check
Bought appropriate trash can--check
Watched 3,000 episodes of Friends while I unpacked--check
Had one panic moment upon moving into a new place while wishing I was elsewhere (read: Seattle)--check
Overcame said panic moment--check
Finally took a shower--check
Found 2 gift cards for Barnes & Noble in Daddy's stuff--check
Verified that there's $40 still left on the B&N gift cards--check
Ate out every meal because I had no plates--check
Bought plates--check
Slept in my own bed--check.

Bella the wiener dog's Checklist:
Rode in a new car--check
Sniffed out new apartment--check
Barked at every noise coming from outside the apartment--check
Tooted the worst one I've ever done--check
Cuddled with Peggy (my new job)--check
Stared at Peggy for 12 minutes without blinking--check
Waited to go potty until I was outside (good job, Bella!)--check

Moms and such

May 10, 2009 was my 12th Mother's Day since Mama died. 12 years. That seems plain crazy.

It's still sad.

In those 12 years, I've made a special effort to celebrate Grandma on Mother's Day because let's face it, she was one fantastic mother...and mother's mother...and mother-in-law.

May 10, 2009 was my 1st Mother's Day since Grandma died.

I want to call her everyday. My breath catches in a little gasp of pain when I realize I can't. That her voice, touch, and smell are now just memories.

Without my own Mama and Aama to celebrate, I still wanted to do something. So I sent a little treat to my aunt Cynthia, who has quasi-adopted me in the past 8 months since Daddy died, and to Jesse's mom Maggie, who also quasi-adopted me while I fell in love with her son.

Life moves, and I'd better move with it.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

31

31. I turn 31 today.
30. So does Amber...happy birthday twin!
29. I knew one other girl who shared my birthday in college. So happy birthday to Jessica, where ever you are.
28. I celebrated my 28th birthday with Chrissy, Amy, and Melissa when they came to Denton to fiesta the Cinco de Mayo/Pegs way. One of the funnest birthdays ever...in part due to Duke, Chrissy's brother's dachsund/German shepherd eating everyone's underwear throughout the weekend.
27. My new co-worker is F-U-N-N-Y. That has little to do with birthdays, except that she already made me laugh today.
26. After contemplating getting a dog, I have decided to wait. It sounds more stressful than happy. I got Wilbert on my birthday in 2006. It was only slightly stressful because he was my first pet that was really all mine, no parents to help. Other than that, Wilbert was pure joy and sunshine.
25. Cookie called yesterday to ask me what my favorite color is. I fear the reason for this question, but I told her blue. I wonder what blue thing looms in my near future. A blue birthday cake? A blue shirt? A blue dog?
24. Jesse is 24 for another 5.? months. We are approximately 6.5 years apart. It sounds really weird now because I am 31 and he has yet to reach 25. Cougar on the loose!
23. I graduated from college on my 23rd birthday. It was weird. I forgot it was my birthday due to all the graduation festivities.
22. Maybe since I'm turning 31, I should gain 31 pounds in birthday celebration...Central Grill, Carino's, Mr. Chopsticks, Cookie's amazing birthday cakes...
21. I can't believe I've been 21 and able to drink legally for a decade. I had a huge margarita (and finished it) yesterday to celebrate 10 years of hardly ever drinking (and hardly ever finishing a drink).
20. Last year when I lived in Denton for a month, I received about $3,000 worth of Starbucks gift cards for my birthday, so I went to Starbucks every morning on the way to work. I did this the entire month and never once had to pay for it. This year, I haven't yet established a morning beverage routine in Denton. I get a diet Coke sometimes. I get a Starbucks sometimes. Sometimes I drink water. This is all wrong. I need a morning beverage routine as much as Mrs. Darling needs a breakfast, lunch, dinner routine.
19. I'm borrowing Uyen's wiener dog, Bella, for awhile. This simultaneously helps me keep my sanity in a lonely apartment and keeps my bank account from crashing & burning. It also gives Angie time to introduce the new Black lab she's adopting to Uyen's wiener dogs.
18. I move into my apartment on Saturday. Little Guy Movers are helping out for a very reasonable price. I will have a bed, 2 bookcases, some books, movies, and keepsakes, and...that's it.
17. Then my new red couch from Rooms-to-Go will be delivered. Note: the listed price says $499. Yours truly bought it for $388. Sale, sale, sale. This list became a moving list instead of a birthday list since #19. I now revert to the birthday list.
16. On my 16th birthday, Daddy gave me his old car (which took its final breath within a few months when it died on one of the busiest streets in Corpus Christi) and Grandma gave me $1,000. I was a spoiled, spoiled only child/grandchild.
15. May 4th is always the most depressing day of the year because I talk myself into thinking no one will remember and no one loves me. Woe is me. I feel better the next day when all my nightmares don't come true.
14. Despite living in Seattle for nearly 2 years, I managed to never be there for my birthday. I have managed, despite living in Denton for only 1 year and 2 months, to celebrate THREE birthdays here (and only missed four by moving to Denton the first time in late May). How did that happen?
13. I believe I celebrated becoming a teenager the one year I lived in Kingsville, TX. The year: 1991. The meal: Mama's crockpot spaghetti. The activity: pool party.
12. Last year, I started a new job at UNT on my birthday. I have already lasted longer here than I did there. I have purposely avoided any place that I think those former co-workers might be lurking, knowing that something very awkward awaits the first time I see one of them again.
11. I'm going to lunch at Central Grill with former co-workers, Icy & Nancy. They are former co-workers from Art, not the aforementioned co-workers in #12. At Central Grill, they have a delectable grilled chicken salad. It is so good, in fact, that when I order it, I don't even feel like I'm missing out by getting a salad.
10. Except that today, I may celebrate with a burger & fries.
9. I received my "planning guide" from my supervisor this morning. This detailed job description has five separate forms and divides my 85 duties into 15 categories. I haven't read it yet, but to have that many items listed, it must say, "1. Turn computer on. 2. Answer email. 3. Check voice mails. Etc."
8. Is voicemail one or two words? I get a red spell check line if I leave it as one.
7. This is no longer a birthday-related list.
6. Big birthday plans: I am watching the top 4 perform tonight on American Idol. I'm really grateful for my friend Sara who has been watching with me since I left Seattle.
5. If Kris or Allison or Danny is voted off tomorrow, I will declare a birthday do-over.
4. Every week after AI, I call Jesse and tell him what happened since it doesn't air in Seattle for another 2 hours...and let's face it, he only watched it b/c I did.
3. I have a picture on my nightstand of me w/my mom on what I believe is my 3rd birthday.
2. May is a really hard month for me. My mother's birthday and Mother's Day are in May, besides the fact that my own birthday wouldn't exist without Mama. I mean that in the way everyone does because who would be born w/o their mother, but also in the sense that it was life threatening for her to have a child and she did anyway.
1. I was on the phone with Jesse at midnight last night (Texas time). I was happy he was the first to tell me happy birthday.

Friday, May 01, 2009

Going into mild panic attack

The swine flu (or HN91768 whatever, as WHO wants to call it...like everyone is going to ditch the lovely name "swine flu" in favor of something that is impossible to remember) is apparently taking over Texas. And other places, but as a typical Texan, I could care less about those other places.

It suddenly struck me this morning that my flight to Seattle for Memorial Day weekend may not happen if these blasted pigs continue to wreak havoc on our planet.

You do NOT want to be near me if my flight is cancelled. I leave 3 weeks from today. And I WILL leave...even if I have to fly the plane myself.