Memorial Day in Seattle

*Note: If you haven't, please read the comments for the post below "Vote is what they're calling it these days." You won't be sorry.

I had a whirlwind long weekend in Seattle for Memorial Day to visit Jesse and it was loads of fun. For those who haven't been in a long distance relationship (heretofore called "LDR"), I'm here to say that it is a learning experience. We have discovered a new appreciation of each other and are discovering things about ourselves as individuals and as a couple. It's not easy, but it has been good in some unexpected ways.

One thing you experience in an LDR is how positively wierd the other person looks after having not seen them in awhile. When I arrived in Seattle, Jesse was waiting for me at the top of the escalator to baggage claim (aw...) and we just stared at each other. He looked different. But the same. But different.

After about an hour, we had recovered and felt fairly normal again.

Going on a small hike and overlooking the river

We took Ginger to the park with us and she was quite happy. Can you tell?

Happy Ginger

We went to the Northwest Folklife Festival, an annual event in Seattle, where various bands perform (Irish Fiddle and West African percussion, to name a couple) and you can take dance classes of all types. There was also a TON of food--and I learned that a funnel cake is also called an "elephant ear"...which makes it far less appetizing in my opinion. Jesse and I met up with Chrissy and a couple of her friends for the festivities.

Chrissy & me

A reggae band performs

Attempt #1 to capture the Space Needle in my hands

Attempt #2

Attempt #3

Holly, Chrissy, Me, Jesse, and Pat

The Fountain--the center of the festivities

A good weekend--so good that we have already got Jesse on a plane to Texas on June 19th!

Since I need something to post before I can download pics and update on Seattle trip....

8 things I am looking forward to...
1. June 19--Jesse's coming to TX!
2. Sleeping tonight
3. A steak 'n' taters dinner in Brownwood this weekend
4. American Idol 2010 (I know, I'm pathetic)
5. The future (most days I'm looking forward to it)
6. April 2010
7. So You Think You Can Dance (tonight)
8. The day I enjoy running again

8 things I did yesterday...
1. work
2. check email
3. snuggle Bella
4. talked to Jesse (I think I did this one 5 times)
5. eat string cheese and chips & salsa for lunch
6. read a good book (Testimony, by Anita Shreve)
7. talked to Great Aunt Gayle
8. finally sorted my stacked up pile of mail

8 things I wish I could do...
1. sleep w/o waking 5 times to pee every night
2. eat all I want and stay thin (I'll steal that one, Liz!)
3. draw
4. not be a sore loser (anyone who has played Spades with me has seen my truly dark side)
5. not let others' opinions concern me (amen, Liz!)
6. worry less
7. figure out what faith and truth means to me
8. get rid of my allergies once and for all

8 shows I watch...
1. American Idol
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. E! News
4. The Office
5. The Hills (I know, I know)
6. So You Think You Can Dance
7. If I'm able, Regis & Kelly and Ellen (usually miss it b/c of work)
8. E True Hollywood Story

8 people I tag...
1. Kari
2. Mrs. Darling
3. Amber
4. Emma (can Emma blog at only 2 months?)
5. Mi' Boone
6. Nicole
7. Rick
8. Karina

"Voting" is what they're calling it these days...

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO! The next Jason Mraz/Jack Johnson is on his way!! Kris Allen won American Idol and sent me reeling into ecstasy. Okay, that's probably a bit overly dramatic but I was super excited. When he reprised "Ain't No Sunshine" on the piano Tuesday night, I may or may not have drooled on Sara's couch.

Speaking of Sara, good story. Sara had never watched American Idol (or not this season, at least) until I moved to Denton and forced her to watch with me. She immediately started swooning for Kris, and confessed to me that on Tuesday night after the show, she sneaked into her bathroom so that I wouldn't know and VOTED. Ha ha ha. I can just imagine her dialing away, getting a busy signal because Kris' line was busy due to all the votes coming his way, and as the minutes pass, she's wondering if I'm wondering what she's doing in the bathroom so long..."voting"...sure, Sara.

In unrelated-to-Idol news, I will be in Seattle in a mere 24 hours! And I am blissfully happy to report that the weekend forecast promises a high of 70 degrees and sunny through Monday! Since people realized the swine flu is a flu, and not the death trap they initially feared, I will not have to commandeer the plane after all. Rest assured, I will be in seat 19C and not the cockpit.

Wow is Me weekend

*Note: Newly edited to reflect the end of the spoiler alert.*

On Friday morning, I found out that my aunt, uncle & cousin wouldn't be able to come to Dallas for the weekend after all. For ten seconds, I considered the "Woe is me" approach, and then decided that option stunk. So I opted for the "Wow is me" approach instead. (That last sentence? Perhaps the cheesiest, dorkiest, ickiest sentence uttered on this blog to date. Please continue reading anyway.)

Once I found out I didn't have to wait until Monday, I immediately downloaded the Grey's Anatomy finale after work. By 5:18, I was watching. QUASI-SPOILER ALERT: OMG. Seriously, couldn't George have just joined the Army? We know T.R. Knight is going off the show (despite the back & forth, we know in our heart of hearts...and the complete lack of story line for George the entire season was a good giveaway), but did it have to be so fracking brutal? I was bawling and yelling at the computer.

**END OF QUASI-SPOILER ALERT**

I decided to lay out for the first time since my return to Texas. It only took 5 weeks, but I reveled in the sunshine on Friday early evening, at the perfect time to start on my tan without feeling like I was acquiring third degree burns and sweating whlist not moving a muscle. I read and tanned by the pool for about an hour. Glorious.

Then, while on a roll, I decided to...work out! I haven't worked out in an embarrassingly long time, considering I used to be the type who felt like a lazy bum if I skipped one day of working out. But not only does my fantastically fancy new apartment complex have a gate that requires a special code to enter and a luxurious pool, but also a cute little fitness center!! Since the weather was so perfect, I did cardio outside before doing weight training in the fitness room.

By now, I was feeling great. And I stank. I think my body wasn't used to A) a workout and B) temperatures above 45 degrees. Upon returning to the apartment, Bella, who normally cuddles up to me the second I come home, turned her nose at me and walked away. I took her cue and showered.

On Saturday, I decided to continue my Wow is Me weekend. It was pretty nasty weather outside, thunder and rain, so I did my favorite rainy day activity. I parked myself in a fat comfy chair at Starbucks with a good higher education nerd book (Getting Mentored in Graduate School) and a Mocha Frappucino Light w/Whip (let's face it, if I order the light frap, then I should get whipped cream for a reward).

Finally, the weather cleared a bit so I took Bella on a stroll into the neighbordhood next to my complex. Turns out, I live in the ghetto. My fancy complex is on the boundary or some seedy stuff. I guess I won't go running after dark.

After the stroll, I repeated Friday evening's activities since I had enjoyed them so much. I can't say I read at the pool...I was too distracted by the ten year old boys yelling "incoming" so many times, I almost cannon balled into the pool on them to make them shut the *?!* up. I mean, I love it when boys let all their energy out in productive ways like swimming...so healthy.

And yes, I even worked out again! 20 minutes on the elliptical (pause for Mrs. Darling to laugh heartily at the thought that that even consitutes a workout) and weight training later, I returned to the apartment. Bella is irritated to find out the stink was not a one time thing.

Then...oh, but THEN. I put on my black halter dress and red heels, and I went salsa dancing in Dallas! "Who did you go with?" is what you're asking. The answer, an unequivocal, "My fabulous self!" Yes, I did. After having talked to only Bella and the Starbucks guy for over 24 hours, I had to get out. And get out, I did.

I met a great gal in line behind me who sweet talked both of us out of cover charge and made a lovely new friend for the evening before we both were asked to dance. I then recalled how to dance salsa to the best of my ability since it had been awhile, but I think I did fairly well. More than my dancing, I was proud of myself for being brave enough to go dancing in Dallas solo.

Sunday brought some sort of eye allergy which I carry with me today. My left eye is kicking and screaming to close, but I keep making her stay at work. (Yes, I'm blogging at work--we're caught up!). Uyen brought over Bella's brother, Tony, to play and they had a grand time. (Why didn't I think to take pictures?)

So, I wasn't in Dallas all weekend with the fam--which I'm not gonna lie, was disappointing at first. But I learned that I can survive a weekend on my own, and enjoy it!

Dr. So-and-So

Warning: Possible boring as all get out blog post below. Read at your own risk of falling asleep.

I did not blog much about my experience as a doctoral student. I decided to pursue doctoral study to open my opportunities and because, well, I'm a nerd. I read books like Student Success in College and A is for Admissions and Sociology in Education for fun. I shop for pleasure reading in the textbook section of the University Bookstore. You don't do that if you aren't destined or academia.

What is odd is that while actually enrolled in the program, I wanted to be watching TV or hanging out with friends instead of studying and writing papers. I enjoyed class but lacked motivation. I thought I didn't want to be in school anymore. I had a posh life my first couple of quarters--an assistantship working with people I liked and getting free tuition for a world-class education. And I gave it up for laziness.

But the moment I left the program last year, I missed it. I missed the collegiate atmosphere, being around like-minded people who had read the same nerdy books and understood the world of higher education. The discussions of improving America's educational systems and addressing issues of social injustice and inequality as it related to school (usually in the form of access). The idea that I could make a change. The idea that I was meant for more than advising for the next 40 years.

So I returned. Again, I enjoyed class. I was thrilled to be back on campus, learning the history of education and how we got to the point we are at today, learning the cultural and social mores that drive our educational systems.

But I had a problem. I like to know where I'm going. And the thing with a doctoral program is that it's nebulous. You have to figure out on your own what you need and what questions to ask. I didn't know. I didn't know how to connect one class to another. I wrote a paper on the Seven Sisters in one class and organizational theory as it related to the budget crisis at a community college in the next. It all seemed fragmented and I could not see how to pull it together.

I didn't know what I was doing, but everyone else seemed to. People who began the program at the same time as me seemed on the direct path to graduation. I am the type A person who needs a plan. There are about 5 prescribed classes on my degree plan...the rest is up to you. So I picked classes at random. I didn't know what to choose for a dissertation topic, or even what choices to choose from. I felt lost. I felt like I just couldn't do it.

I left the program a second time. And I've missed it again. All the things I mentioned before is what I miss so I won't list it all again. I have checked 10 books out of the UNT library and read several articles on a possible dissertation topic. Now that the pressure of having to do it for school is off, I have thrown myself into it FOR FUN. However, I will not do what I did last time, the boomerang move back to Seattle from Texas. Isn't there some old saying about repeating the same actions and expecting different results amount to idiocy? Well, I may be many things but let's hope idiot isn't one of them.

If I return to the program, I know that I will need things to be different.
1) I will need to know exactly what classes remain for me to move on to exams.
2) I will need to have narrowed down my dissertation topic to perhaps 2-3 options that I feel confident I can move forward with, though preferably I would have completely settled on a topic.
3) I would need regular support from the following: my faculty advisor, a staff mentor, and at least 2 peers, preferably one ahead of me in the program and one at the same stage.

I have ideas churning in my mind addressing all of these.

1) I have outlined 3 possibilities for remaining classes. My advisor would need to approve these. The one I'm hoping for is the one that would only require 17 more credits before I hit the dissertation phase. (17 credits amounts to approximately 6 classes.) The more likely scenario would require 21 more credits.

2) I have been talking with my fantastic friend Uyen who herself is writing her dissertation for her PhD in higher education. She is an invaluable resource right now. She has helped me with focusing in on possible topics, one being a study of advising relationships at the doctoral level and how those affect student experience. Another I have contemplated is the cohort vs. non-cohort structure of a doctoral program--does the level of support offered by a cohort positively, negatively, or not affect student success?

3) I am a person who needs loads of support and can't go it alone. But in an effort to not look stupid (doctoral students do NOT want to appear stupid and academically they are used to not looking stupid, in case you hadn't guessed) and not continually bother busy people, I tried to just go it alone. And anyone who has attemped doctoral education can tell you that going it alone is nearly impossible and completely miserable. The experience is inherently isolating because generally your friends and family probably don't understand or care about the issues that you are throwing yourself into, body and soul. So I have my advisor, and he has been incredibly supportive and available when I have asked for help. I stopped asking, though. So I would need to pick up that relationship again. I would also ask for mentorship from my fanstastic supervisor at the Information School at the UW that I just interned with and from my other fantastic supervisor from my assistantship at the UW my first year. My assigned peer mentor has been a fabulous support that I have off and on taken advantage of, and would need to continue to do so. And there's a gal who started at the same time as me who has never looked back (to my knowledge) and is stinking brilliant.

So these are my thoughts. Now, don't worry. I have no plans of doing another boomerang move to Seattle. I miss Jesse and of course he plays into all of this. But I have learned that my life is my own, and I can only count on me. So I plan to think about this and talk with my advisor over the next several months to see how things progress, namely with a dissertation topic, and if this is what I want for my life. The moral of this too-long blog story? We'll see.

Checklists

*Note: 2 new posts today. Be sure to scroll.

Pegs' Checklist:
Moved into new apartment--check
New red couch delivered--check
Cable & internet hooked up--check
Saw man with cowboy hat and Wranglers on youth-sized bike with youth-sized pink backpack--check.
Made 2 major Target trips--check
Borrowed Bella the wiener dog from Uyen--check
Bought shower curtain that didn't match towels--check
Returned said shower curtain--check
Bought appropriate shower curtain--check
Bought trash can that didn't fit under kitchen sink--check
Returned said trash can--check
Bought appropriate trash can--check
Watched 3,000 episodes of Friends while I unpacked--check
Had one panic moment upon moving into a new place while wishing I was elsewhere (read: Seattle)--check
Overcame said panic moment--check
Finally took a shower--check
Found 2 gift cards for Barnes & Noble in Daddy's stuff--check
Verified that there's $40 still left on the B&N gift cards--check
Ate out every meal because I had no plates--check
Bought plates--check
Slept in my own bed--check.

Bella the wiener dog's Checklist:
Rode in a new car--check
Sniffed out new apartment--check
Barked at every noise coming from outside the apartment--check
Tooted the worst one I've ever done--check
Cuddled with Peggy (my new job)--check
Stared at Peggy for 12 minutes without blinking--check
Waited to go potty until I was outside (good job, Bella!)--check

Moms and such

May 10, 2009 was my 12th Mother's Day since Mama died. 12 years. That seems plain crazy.

It's still sad.

In those 12 years, I've made a special effort to celebrate Grandma on Mother's Day because let's face it, she was one fantastic mother...and mother's mother...and mother-in-law.

May 10, 2009 was my 1st Mother's Day since Grandma died.

I want to call her everyday. My breath catches in a little gasp of pain when I realize I can't. That her voice, touch, and smell are now just memories.

Without my own Mama and Aama to celebrate, I still wanted to do something. So I sent a little treat to my aunt Cynthia, who has quasi-adopted me in the past 8 months since Daddy died, and to Jesse's mom Maggie, who also quasi-adopted me while I fell in love with her son.

Life moves, and I'd better move with it.

31

31. I turn 31 today.
30. So does Amber...happy birthday twin!
29. I knew one other girl who shared my birthday in college. So happy birthday to Jessica, where ever you are.
28. I celebrated my 28th birthday with Chrissy, Amy, and Melissa when they came to Denton to fiesta the Cinco de Mayo/Pegs way. One of the funnest birthdays ever...in part due to Duke, Chrissy's brother's dachsund/German shepherd eating everyone's underwear throughout the weekend.
27. My new co-worker is F-U-N-N-Y. That has little to do with birthdays, except that she already made me laugh today.
26. After contemplating getting a dog, I have decided to wait. It sounds more stressful than happy. I got Wilbert on my birthday in 2006. It was only slightly stressful because he was my first pet that was really all mine, no parents to help. Other than that, Wilbert was pure joy and sunshine.
25. Cookie called yesterday to ask me what my favorite color is. I fear the reason for this question, but I told her blue. I wonder what blue thing looms in my near future. A blue birthday cake? A blue shirt? A blue dog?
24. Jesse is 24 for another 5.? months. We are approximately 6.5 years apart. It sounds really weird now because I am 31 and he has yet to reach 25. Cougar on the loose!
23. I graduated from college on my 23rd birthday. It was weird. I forgot it was my birthday due to all the graduation festivities.
22. Maybe since I'm turning 31, I should gain 31 pounds in birthday celebration...Central Grill, Carino's, Mr. Chopsticks, Cookie's amazing birthday cakes...
21. I can't believe I've been 21 and able to drink legally for a decade. I had a huge margarita (and finished it) yesterday to celebrate 10 years of hardly ever drinking (and hardly ever finishing a drink).
20. Last year when I lived in Denton for a month, I received about $3,000 worth of Starbucks gift cards for my birthday, so I went to Starbucks every morning on the way to work. I did this the entire month and never once had to pay for it. This year, I haven't yet established a morning beverage routine in Denton. I get a diet Coke sometimes. I get a Starbucks sometimes. Sometimes I drink water. This is all wrong. I need a morning beverage routine as much as Mrs. Darling needs a breakfast, lunch, dinner routine.
19. I'm borrowing Uyen's wiener dog, Bella, for awhile. This simultaneously helps me keep my sanity in a lonely apartment and keeps my bank account from crashing & burning. It also gives Angie time to introduce the new Black lab she's adopting to Uyen's wiener dogs.
18. I move into my apartment on Saturday. Little Guy Movers are helping out for a very reasonable price. I will have a bed, 2 bookcases, some books, movies, and keepsakes, and...that's it.
17. Then my new red couch from Rooms-to-Go will be delivered. Note: the listed price says $499. Yours truly bought it for $388. Sale, sale, sale. This list became a moving list instead of a birthday list since #19. I now revert to the birthday list.
16. On my 16th birthday, Daddy gave me his old car (which took its final breath within a few months when it died on one of the busiest streets in Corpus Christi) and Grandma gave me $1,000. I was a spoiled, spoiled only child/grandchild.
15. May 4th is always the most depressing day of the year because I talk myself into thinking no one will remember and no one loves me. Woe is me. I feel better the next day when all my nightmares don't come true.
14. Despite living in Seattle for nearly 2 years, I managed to never be there for my birthday. I have managed, despite living in Denton for only 1 year and 2 months, to celebrate THREE birthdays here (and only missed four by moving to Denton the first time in late May). How did that happen?
13. I believe I celebrated becoming a teenager the one year I lived in Kingsville, TX. The year: 1991. The meal: Mama's crockpot spaghetti. The activity: pool party.
12. Last year, I started a new job at UNT on my birthday. I have already lasted longer here than I did there. I have purposely avoided any place that I think those former co-workers might be lurking, knowing that something very awkward awaits the first time I see one of them again.
11. I'm going to lunch at Central Grill with former co-workers, Icy & Nancy. They are former co-workers from Art, not the aforementioned co-workers in #12. At Central Grill, they have a delectable grilled chicken salad. It is so good, in fact, that when I order it, I don't even feel like I'm missing out by getting a salad.
10. Except that today, I may celebrate with a burger & fries.
9. I received my "planning guide" from my supervisor this morning. This detailed job description has five separate forms and divides my 85 duties into 15 categories. I haven't read it yet, but to have that many items listed, it must say, "1. Turn computer on. 2. Answer email. 3. Check voice mails. Etc."
8. Is voicemail one or two words? I get a red spell check line if I leave it as one.
7. This is no longer a birthday-related list.
6. Big birthday plans: I am watching the top 4 perform tonight on American Idol. I'm really grateful for my friend Sara who has been watching with me since I left Seattle.
5. If Kris or Allison or Danny is voted off tomorrow, I will declare a birthday do-over.
4. Every week after AI, I call Jesse and tell him what happened since it doesn't air in Seattle for another 2 hours...and let's face it, he only watched it b/c I did.
3. I have a picture on my nightstand of me w/my mom on what I believe is my 3rd birthday.
2. May is a really hard month for me. My mother's birthday and Mother's Day are in May, besides the fact that my own birthday wouldn't exist without Mama. I mean that in the way everyone does because who would be born w/o their mother, but also in the sense that it was life threatening for her to have a child and she did anyway.
1. I was on the phone with Jesse at midnight last night (Texas time). I was happy he was the first to tell me happy birthday.

Going into mild panic attack

The swine flu (or HN91768 whatever, as WHO wants to call it...like everyone is going to ditch the lovely name "swine flu" in favor of something that is impossible to remember) is apparently taking over Texas. And other places, but as a typical Texan, I could care less about those other places.

It suddenly struck me this morning that my flight to Seattle for Memorial Day weekend may not happen if these blasted pigs continue to wreak havoc on our planet.

You do NOT want to be near me if my flight is cancelled. I leave 3 weeks from today. And I WILL leave...even if I have to fly the plane myself.