A year ago today...part V

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Jesse and I wake up early. We are quiet as we drive to the airport. I have no interest in continuing this horrifying reality without him. We arrive early enough that we can sit on this side of security and have breakfast. As has been the case, Jesse eats and I watch.

Finally, we can't wait any longer. Jesse hugs me tight, and gets in the security line. I watch him go through, tears brimming my eyes. Two older women who were sitting near us at breakfast ask me, "It's always hard to say goodbye, isn't it, honey?" I just nod and keep my eyes on Jesse. He waves after he gets through, and the tears are streaming down my face now.

Once he gets out of my sight, I turn around and leave the airport. Amy has promised to spend the day with me since Jesse is gone, and I have never been more grateful. I pick Amy up at her parent's house. We go to My Favorite Muffin for my self-induced therapy, and on to the hospital.

Today is not a good day for Daddy. He is not alert. He seems unaware of anything around him. He doesn't show signs of recognizing anyone. There is no joking around, no eye contact, no response.

It is 9:00 pm. The ICU visiting hours are over and we are being kicked out. I try to look Daddy in the eye (he looks at the ceiling) and tell him I love him. No response.

To be continued...