I received a text today...a wedding is on the horizon.
I received an email today...a baby is on its way.
As a friend struggles through her husband's unemployment, I know it can't be easy. Yet, she has him. He has her. They have parents and siblings. To me, having those relationships trumps the trials. It makes them less scary than going through them alone.
As another friend goes through cancer, I know it is scary. Yet, she has him. He has her. They have two children. They have parents and siblings. Again, those relationships make the trials bearable.
For me, when the trials come, I have...me. And that makes the trials feel unbearable. I bear them, but I don't know how. I have panic attacks, and awful pits in my stomach from the fear of living my life alone...becoming an old Dog Lady (I'm allergic to cats). I know life wouldn't be easy, but I wish I had those relationships to guide and support me during my trials.
I know there are good things in my life, but I still find myself longing for family, immediate family. Someone to belong to everyday. Someone who thinks the sun rises and sets because of our love. Just one would be nice: a mother, a father, a brother or sister, a husband, a child. Just one of them. Most people have a few of them, many people have all of them. NO ONE I know has none of them. I have none of them.
For many years, I've watched people get married and have babies. Will it ever be my turn?
Am I living the life I want to live?
Personal Wellness at the conference
1 week ago
7 comments:
i am so sorry for my selfishness...how ridiculous it must seem when i whine about things and am not thankful for what i have. chad was saying this exact thing to me yesterday...telling me to be thankful and i told him to not lecture me. and yet here i sit humbled beyond belief by your kind words.
i wish my words could make it all better for you, for everyone. but they don't. for what it's worth, please know a girl in oklahoma whom you have never met loves you and prays for you every single day.
i have no words...only tears of sadness for you.
Check your email. I sent you my comment.
Love, K
As I left Diane's house today---I thought this: "I am leaving a place I really don't belong anymore, that it isn't right for me to be there and going to a place I really don't belong". I kind of hear you, although I admit I may have more "family" than you. Sometimes having family, though, can be just as if you didn't. Sometimes I long for someone to help me out as a parent. But then I know, too, that being married doesn't always make the difference either---some husbands are useless. Sorry for rattling.
You're right Peggy. God Himself said that it's not good for man (or woman) to be alone. We are creatures of community. I don't know how to help you get from here to there, but I will continue to pray with you on that journey.
Thank you for this post. I'm a 31 year old guy staying with my parents because, among other things, I messed up my relationship with my wife. There are a lot of things that bother me about living at home again, and sometimes it bothers me so much I want to scream. Your entry reminds me to be appreciative that my family is still in my life, no matter how annoying they can be at times. I truly feel for you.
Sweet Peggy, a "family" can come in many shapes and sizes. Some people don't even want to be in their blood-relation families because of the ugliness that can take place. You have such a big heart and people naturally warm up to you and instantly feel a connection with you. You have so many friends who love you and care about you...more than most! These people are your "family"! Even if the Lord gives you a family in a different way than what you planned or hoped for, it is still His blessing to you.
Check out this link when you get a chance: http://www.listen.family.org/daily/A000002160.cfm
She's talking about children, but the principle is the same whether it's about longing for a husband or children.
Know that I miss you and love you very much!
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