so for a long time after daddy died, i had nightly nightmares. nightly, as in every night. it was very disturbing. they had not yet subsided when grandma died. so i got new kinds of nightmares. they finally were slowing down a little, and i had been getting better sleep.
last night, i dreamed that grandma had died but was sitting up and talking to our whole family. she was telling us the good things she loved about each of us. then she started saying horrible things to one member of the family. it was awful. i tried to stop her, but she wouldn't.
then you know how in dreams, things will just kind of fast forward and you'll be in another place but still the same concept of the dream is happening? well, that happened and i was lying on a bed with my mom. she looked at me and i looked at her and we said nothing. then we both cried and held onto each other out of grief for losing grandma.
i realize that grandma was a big part of my comfort when mama died. i have had no such comfort this time, and wish that mama was here.
i wonder why God has decided i'm strong enough to handle so much death by age 30.
Personal Wellness at the conference
6 days ago
4 comments:
Thanks for sharing this Pegs.
I don't pretend to know what God is thinking or His reasons, but I do know that I find comfort knowing that He has felt the same griefs, losses, hurts and loneliness as I do. I read the other day (Good News for Injustice by G. Haugen) something that I loved - the author was talking about how much easier it is to cling to a God who suffers with us and experienced the death of His beloved rather than a God who is distant and doesn't relate to us.
I'm praying for you and so thankful you shared this, Pegs.
I won't pretend to know why God decided that you are strong enough, but you are! You've made it. There have been so many tragedy's and yet here you are. Alive...still struggling with grief, yet enjoying the life you have now.
it isn't the same situation....but there was trauma surrounding these deaths....i got the same thing after my father died as well as a good friend....i know it doesn't make you feel any better now but i also know that it will subside.
Sweet Pegs. I don't know that you are strong enough. I don't think anyone is. People always quote "God won't give you more than you can bear" in times like these, but that scripture is in reference to temptation, not to grief. I don't think anyone is designed to handle this kind of pain. But it does force you into a crossroads - it will strengthen you, or it will embitter you against God. I pray, once you've worked your way through the long journey, that the former will be your destination.
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