The Great Tree Debacle of 2010...or would it be 2011?

When I had the day off on Monday, I decided to conquer the world. Catch up on blog & FB photos and...get rid of our Christmas tree. It had to be done. The apartment reeked of tree sap. Plus, Tree had been stark naked since last Wednesday...now that's just embarrassing. I wouldn't want to be forced to stand naked in front of a window for 5 days while everyone around me watched TV, ate great food, and basically ignored my existence. Although, let's face it...some people might like it. Wait, what?

I had 3 major obstacles between me and getting rid of Tree successfully.
1. I had no help. How was I going to get Tree out of the stand and down the stairs by myself (it was a 6' tree)?
2. We don't have yard waste services. So I had to squeeze Tree into tiny Louise, whose poor backseat just isn't 6' long. Again, by myself.
3. The last obstacle wasn't planned. More details momentarily.

So, first the stand. After dumping the remaining water on the floor and risking mildew and mold on our carpet, I got Tree out of the stand. I dragged Tree downstairs and shoved it through our front door to the building. And the door shut soundly behind me.

Did I mention our door automatically locks?
Did I mention I had no shoes on?
Did I mention I had no cell phone?
Did I mention I had no keys?
Did I mention it was FORTY degrees?
Did I mention I had no makeup on and hadn't washed my hair in 3 days? (Don't judge me; stylists have told me I have the kind of hair that shouldn't be washed everyday and every 2-3 days was optimal for healthy hair.)

Great.

So I ran in my socks down the block to Cafe Vitta. When the nice barista asked what she could get me, I told her the phone book. And a phone.

I called a locksmith, who said he would be right there. So I waited. People looked at me like I was homeless, with my socked feet and quickly-becoming-greasy-hair and nothing to do but try not to entertain myself by looking at whatever they were doing on their computers.

After waiting about 30 minutes, it hit me.

Roommate's Dog Walker (RDW) would be returning with Sophie any minute. I didn't even need a locksmith. But, had she already come while I'd been down at Cafe Vitta? Could I risk walking to where I could see our apartment to see if RDW was there and then missing the locksmith, who wouldn't find me and leave?

While I debated, I noticed a dude with an old truck just hanging out in front of the laundromat across the street from Cafe Vitta. He looked at me, and I looked at him. What if he was the locksmith? I debated whether or not to go ask him. He was a shady looking dude. But I was getting desperate. So I went over to him. He said he was just doing his laundry, was not a locksmith, and wished he had another pair of shoes to give me. Thank you, sir.

While already at the laundromat, I went another 10 feet down the sidewalk and looked down my street. It was like a beautiful mirage. Could it be? RDW's car was there, shining in the sun. Hallelujah!

So I ran for the house. About halfway there. RDW yelled, "PEGGY?! IS THAT YOU??" I yelled, "YES!" When I got to RDW, she hugged me and yelled, "You're alive! I'm so glad!" She was on the phone with her boyfriend, asking him if she should call 911 because it looked like something horrifying had happened. This was after leaving 2 text messages with Roommate that I had apparently been kidnapped and/or worse.

What RDW found would have made anyone wonder. There was Tree on the front sidewalk (no keys, so had to leave there) and tree firs all the way up to our apartment (Jesse later remarked that it looked like a Christmas tree shat all the way up our stairs). The apartment door upstairs was left wide open, and I had moved things around to get Tree out. My phone and keys were in plain sight, where I would NOT have left them by choice. Although on second thought, would I have dragged Tree with me whilst the kidnapper took me out?

So RDW let me in the apartment, said she was glad I was alive, and left me to continue getting rid of Tree (she had 4 more dogs to return home, so couldn't stay, you see). I got my keys and phone (darn tootin') and returned to Tree.

I should explain that I couldn't remember what locksmith I had called in order to call him back and tell him I would not be needing his services. So, I hurried to get Tree in the car and get the heck out of there before he came storming down the street, mad that I wasn't at Cafe Vitta where I was supposed to be. Also, I didn't want to pay him now that I was in my house. After shoving Tree into Louise (with only the tippy top sticking out one window), I hightailed Tree to the trash place and got rid of him for free.

Then I rewarded myself with a meatball sub.

Silver linings:
1. No charge for Tree.
2. Cafe Vitta is only a block away.
3. The shady dude was nice.
4. RDW showed up and cared enough to find out what happened to me; otherwise, she probably would have been gone before I saw her there.
5. I didn't have to pay a locksmith.