and Mama.
In May, I experience lots of reminders of Mama. My birthday is in May, and I am reminded how much Mama had to do with that. Not just because she was my Mama and all mothers are responsible for the birth of their children, but because my Mama was a kidney transplant survivor, and in the 70s that made me a bit of a miracle child.
Also in May is Mother's Day. Ah, Mother's Day. When everyone else can't hang out or do anything because they are all celebrating with their mothers. For 11 years, I was able to transfer Mother's Day into Grandma's Day because my grandma was very much a second mother to me. Now, I've had two Mother's Days without Grandma too. They kind of suck now. I've tried to celebrate Jesse's mom, but it's just not the same.
And another also in May...Mama's birthday. Today she would've been 59 years young. I still can't believe she's been dead for 12.5 years. Or that she died at the age of 46. Or that I was only 19. Or that very few of my friends have ever met her because she's been gone so long. Or that I can only vaguely remember much about her. I mean, I remember things but they seem like a million years ago, like they're part of another lifetime. She'll have been gone half my life in only 6 more years...well, that's wierd too.
So, here's to you Mama. You put the M in May. And no matter how many years you are gone, you are fondly loved, missed, and remembered everyday, not just these days in May.
6 comments:
Thank you for so beautifully expressing what May is like and being willing to share about the pain. I saved your comment about our trip to Seattle - going to send you an email :)
I love the line 'you put the M in May'.
Peggy, I am once again struck by how much we have in common.
My mom's birthday was also in May (19th), she was 47 when she died, it's been almost 12 years, I was 19 years old as well.
I totally relate to your following statements as well..."very few of my friends have ever met her because she's been gone so long. Or that I can only vaguely remember much about her. I mean, I remember things but they seem like a million years ago, like they're part of another lifetime. She'll have been gone half my life in only 6 more years...well, that's wierd too."
Another thing I get frustrated by is the fact that because my mom had so many problems and was so miserable for so long, it's hard for me to remember the good things about her. And it seems like the only things a lot of my family members remember or talk about are the bad things. But she was a good person...just a person with a lot of hurt inside.
The one thing I am certain of is that both our mothers loved us. So I'm praying for you today as you remember her.
Blessings,
Kristen
i call my mom "mama" too.
today on the radio a girl was talking about how over the weekend she met her birth mother. and she made the comment that if she had ran into this woman on the street, unaware it was her birth mother, she believed she would instinctly know that she was her mom. i thought that was really beautiful...that there is a bond there that transcends everything. and how, i believe, even when our memories fade...a mother is still there, intricately woven into the marrow of our bones, etched into the tissue of our brains.
anyways, this is such a beautiful tribute to your mom. thank you for sharing it with us.
Kristen,
Thanks for your comment. I don't know how else to reach you besides leaving a comment here that hopefully you will read.
I've experienced the same deal with people (including me) remembering bad things mostly about her. She had clinical depression and was physically ill the last 5 years of her life, so it's hard to remember the good...but there was a lot of good, as I'm sure there was for you and your mom as well.
Thanks again for sharing. And reading. :)
Peggy
I lost my mom almost seven years ago. She was very ill in May and passed away on June 7th. I still think of her every single day and wish that I could have just five more minutes with her.
Our mothers are such a big part of who we are - I still think of things I would love to tell mine, but somehow I think she knows those things on some level.
I don't think there is a more powerful connection that the one between mothers and daughters and it is one to be treasured forever - in life and transcending even beyond. A mother's love never really dies or fades - we just need to continue to keep it growing in our hearts by remembering and honoring that special person who gave us birth.
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