Seattle to Texas and a Birthday

It's been nearly a month since I blogged, but I have a good excuse...like moving across the country. So enjoy the catch-up post of a million pictures...my dear friend Linda came to visit Seattle before I left and she took some amazing photos of the Seattle sites...

Smith Hall at the UW--I had a class here and the building you can barely see to the left is Miller Hall where the rest of my classes were. I miss this beautiful campus.

Suzzallo Library--truly amazing

Qwest & Safeco, homes of the Seahawks & Mariners

Sanitary Public Market--seriously

Ah, Pike Place--best public market anywhere

View of Elliott Bay & Puget Sound from Pike Place back entrance

View of downtown from top of the Space Needle

View of the Space Needle from the bottom of the Space Needle :)

View of Elliott Bay from McCormick & Schmick's Seafood Restaurant's main dining room

Linda & me

The Fremont Troll and his VW bug

The Fremont which-way-is-where sign

Inside Pike Place

Seattle Art Museum

Post Alley

Before leaving Seattle, I spent time with some near & dear people...

Jesse & me

He's a silly one...

Or maybe he's not so silly (and that's his hand...I do not have man hands)...

Chris & me...perhaps our only pic together in Seattle

Val & me...did some of you doubt I really had a roommate? :) I dragged her out of studying and to lunch with me before I left.

Back in Texas...

Uyen, me, Marcy & Tony

Love this pic of Uyen laughing (with Tony)

Taking pics w/Shayne is so fun, esp when you borrow Cookie's hat to wear!

Shayne & Bella

Margarita & Kelsey

Seriously--loved Cookie's hat

Pretty sure Shayne & I are dancing to "Promiscuous" here...

COOKIE!

Alisha & me

Abby & me--it's blurry, but I wanted a pic of Abby on here so deal w/it

Gathering of the gals for my 30th...L-R Marcy, Uyen (& Tony), Lindsay, Margarita, Abby, Kelsey, Alisha, Shayne (& Bella), Cookie, me

Seventy-Five...the magic number

On Wednesday, the forecast said "a high of 68 degrees and sunny" for Seattle. So, I immediately started planning for Saturday, excited enough that a little pee almost came out.

This morning, Ashley, Melissa and I headed for Alki Bakery for the AH-mazing cinnamon rolls and breakfast croissant sandwiches. After breakfast, we took a long walk down Alki Beach. I was wearing a t-shirt and light jacket.

The warm weather brought out a fascinating sense of community. People came out of the woodwork...and dogs. It reminded me of my first three weeks in Seattle last September. Everyone was giddy and joyful, smiling & laughing with strangers while their dogs sniffed each other. The dogs were also giddy and joyful.

They say (whoever "they" is) that Seattleites prefer having dogs to children, and today it was evident this is true. There were definitely kids, but way more dogs. Every family with kids had at least one dog, but every family with a dog did not have kids. We met a basset hound named Henrietta whose ears dragged the ground. When we stopped petting her, she started howling so loud people down Alki could hear her. Poor Henrietta.

I spent the afternoon tooling around downtown with Josephine. By this time, I was just wearing a t-shirt...I mean, pants too, but no light jacket. The thermometer on a bank read 75 degrees. Mecca. Pike Place was packed out. More dogs. People settling in droves outside the Starbucks stores that can be found with every 30 second walk with, not coffees or lattes, but frappucinos.

We ended the day at Greenlake. People were playing soccer, volleyball, basketball, and football. Men with no shirts on (but thankfully, shorts). Women in bikini tops and shorts. Again, more dogs than children. I rolled my pants' legs up (oh-so-sexy) and we laid out on the grassy lawn with Baskin-Robbins ice cream cones.

Seventy-five degrees.

Happy Hours

Despite the fact that Ashley is one of my closest friends here in Seattle, I somehow had no pictures of her. So when she invited me to happy hour at The Pink Door, I brought my camera along. If you visit Seattle or live here and haven't been, you should stop by. It's got a great atmosphere, quality food (and tiramisu, I can attest to!), and live music. Plus, there's a swing in the main dining room, should you choose to take a break from your company.

Me & Ash

Ash's "Angelica's Kiss"

My "Pear Bellini"

Our entertainment

Following The Pink Door, I walked down First Avenue to Belltown Pizza to join Gina, Aaron, Melissa, Thomas, and Patrick for happy hour #2. Actually, it was the weekly Tuesday special of a bucket of beers & large pizza for $25. Not a bad deal, although I'm not a beer drinker. I let my pear bellini suffice and enjoyed the company (okay, and a slice of pineapple & red onion pizza).

Aaron, Gina, Me

"Texas tea"

Wait, Texas tea is supposed to be oil, right? Anyway, so Patrick found this boot-shaped Texas mug and gave it to Gina. She couldn't resist drinking from it immediately.

Melissa and Thomas

The Return

It's true. After 8 months in Seattle, I am returning to Denton, Texas, from whence I came. I had a whirlwind interview for a position at the University of North Texas (yep, same university too) while I was there last week (they squeezed me in, how nice) and got a call on Friday that I have been offered the position of Academic Advisor II in the College of Education.

Having searched for a job quite high and low here and come up short following several interviews (my last was the impressive and rare phone call rejection..."You were a close second...you really impressed everyone...the tipping point was that the person selected had more direct admissions experience..."), I must follow the job offer.

I have mixed feelings about leaving. Seattle has been interesting. There have been high moments and low moments. I have had many, many learning experiences. I'm glad I came.

I'm also glad to return to Texas. So, in the words of my friend Melissa, "I'm taking my ball, and I'm going home."

Texas Delights

Landing in Dallas, where it was 70 degrees on the nose and not a cloud in the sky

Arriving at Uyen's, leaving my stuff in the hall, and walking directly to the backyard where I lay on the patio for the next 2 hours

A little girl in the backyard across yelling, "Mama! Someone's dead over there!" after watching me laying there, not moving, for 2 hours

Having a sunburned face and tummy at the end of said 2 hours (having been in TX for only 4 hours at that point)

Having all my girls come over the first night, talking for hours

A cake by Cookie w/mmm-mmm penuche icing

Being in a place where no one thinks I have an accent

Napping with Grandma

A smertz from Grandma

Sleeping with Tony & Bella (Uyen's wienie dogs)

Girl talk...and talk...and talk...and...

Morning Starbucks with Marce

Mr. Chopsticks with Sara

Seeing Cookie's engagement ring, not in a facebook picture, but in person

Leaving my wretched cell charger and having to buy a new one in CC

Kitchen time with the O'Callaghan's

Renting "The Great Outdoors"

Meeting Christine's beau, Carl

A whole day of Amy

Strealy burgers

Stephen's hug

Laughing til I cried (and snorted!) at stories we've told thousands of times

Watching SNL in the Strealy's family room

My Favorite Muffin with Katy & Esther

6-packin' with the O'Cs and Cameron

Hanging out with college kids in a not professional setting

La Playa--enchiladas or quesadillas...or both?

Dinners with Daddy

Seeing Daddy retire after 39 years with the PO

Breakfast w/Royce & Cynthia, a super fun duo

Hearing country music in every store/restaurant

Pat Green and Tejano on the radio

Making Katy drive-thru Chick-fil-a with me b/c I HAD to have it before leaving TX

Thinking "Chrissy who?" because I forgot I actually know Chris from CC, not Seattle

Waving goodbye to the Espina clan as Chrissy & I boarded for Seattle

Haps of the week

Finishing up work projects before the end of the quarter

Finalizing the admission process

Happy hour at the Palomino with the girls

Good stories from the mouth of Paula Green

Breakfast date w/Mels at Alki Bakery

Trabant, a new favorite coffee shop in the U-District

Bad news immediately followed by good news

Random phone calls from good friends

A clean bill of health

Not missing the bus a single time, but nearly missing it several times

Meeting with new writing partner

Reading a worthwhile book and gaining new perspective

First Taco del Mar experience (I prefer Chipotle)

Hearing people's stories of discovery

Finding favorite new quote: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." --Dr. Seuss

My latest triumph

Video games haven't been my thing for many years. I was about to start this post by saying, "Video games have never been my thing," but that would have been a blatant lie.

In the 8th grade (circa 1991-92), I was a Nintendo addict. I couldn't fall asleep at night because all I could see when I closed my eyes were Tetris pieces falling. (That was WIERD, by the way. But at least, I won when I played in my head.) I mastered Super Nintendo as well, at least the basic game with Mario & Luigi. We knew where all the little vines were to let you skip worlds and "SAVE THE PRINCESS." Wow, we were lame.

Who is "we?" We was my best friend, Gina, and sometimes our other friends...but always Gina & me. The very same Gina you 've read about on the blog who I have been reunited with here in Seattle.

Last night, Gina (circa 2008) invited me to hang out with her friends and guess what we did? We played video games. My, how we've grown. Anyone know about a game called "Rock Band" on Playstation? As you may have guessed, you create bands with whoever else is in the room with you. My character was Pegalicious (for obvious reasons), and I was a rocker guitarist. It's amazing how sexy I felt, just being a guitarist in a punk girl band on a video game. Mwah-ha-ha.

BUT, I am multi-talented, as we all know, so I forsook my guitar and took the vocal later in the evening. The vocal is basically karaoke. My song? "Wanted Dead or Alive" by the fabulous Bon Jovi. My score? 100%. Tony (the owner and definite expert of all things Playstation) stared at the screen. He had never seen someone score 100% on the vocal.

Should I contact Randy, Simon & Paula now? I could be the next American Idol.

The newest Mia Hamm

My friend Ashley invited me to play soccer today at Green Lake. After hemming & hawing about the decision (did I want to look like a fool or not?), I decided to go (look like a fool). Having never played soccer and not played any sport in a few years, I had zero gear. Ashley, who is 5'1" on a good day, loaned me her shin guards and Jason loaned me a red shirt so I could play on their team. And off we went.

Every Saturday at Green Lake, random people show up and spend about an hour learning/practicing soccer drills and then another hour scrimmaging each other. We arrived just as the drills were wrapping up, and solidified places with the "red people." They were lucky to have me.

As you might have guessed, it's rained quite a bit lately in Seattle and the field was not grass, but dirt...or as you probably put together already, mud. With nice, large puddles of water scattered about...one of which was strategically located in front of the goal I was supposed to be defending.

Everyone chipped in to help the new girl, constantly yelling little words of advice as we played. A few of them had accents so thick that I decided to just nod along and move whereever their fingers indicated they were saying they wanted me to go.

A tally of the scrimmage:
1 turned ankle
1 kick in the head
1 slide in the mud resulting in me "eating it" (several others did this as well)
3 defensive plays that earned me kudos from Jason
1 goal scored on me
Lots of romps in the aforementioned puddle
1 sore spot on my right lower back (Ash & I deduced this is what we use while kicking)
1 off-sides play called because the ref didn't see me and thought the other guy was off-sides
2 soaked feet (since I do not currently own cleats)

The ref came up to me after the game and tried to explain the off-sides thing to me. He said it was clear I was new. Awesome.

Musings from a muse

I burned my tongue today. Just the tip. Hurts like a mo-fo, though. And I didn't even burn it on something delicious. Boo.

My friend, Mark, is calling the NY governor the "Love Gov" due to his recent infamous news. Aurally, I appreciate this nickname. Visually, it drives me up the wall because it's not symmetrical. But if I say "Love Gove," it doesn't work. Of course, I could go all 7th grade on it and say "Luv Guv."

Each of the past 2 seasons on American Idol, in the first week of the top 12, exactly one person has forgotten the lyrics. And each of those two were promptly sent packing. But oh, that sweet 17-year old David Archuleta forgot his lyrics this week and was not only NOT sent home, but he didn't even make the bottom 3. That's my (slightly illegal, but whatever) boy.

I went out with this guy and he gave me a book to take with me based on a conversation we had. I assumed by giving me the book, I'd see him again. Clearly, I was mistaken. I guess I'm keeping the book. Or, if said fellow is reading this, you can appreciate the cleverness of my posting here and contact me for aforementioned book, or just another rendezvous.

I've been realizing how powerful my thoughts are, and how powerful I am to choose them. If I'm going to make up stories of interpretations based on things that happen, shouldn't I choose a story I like? I think so.

My friend, Ashley, introduced me to a cafe called The Grateful Bread. I love wit with words.

I go to Texas in less than 2 weeks. I am already fantasizing about my week on the beach. Another fantasy I have is of wearing flip flops. I am one pasty white girl right now. It was 41 degrees at the high today. Lame. Other fantasies re: Texas include...Chick-fil-a & Whataburger, putting my head on Grandma's lap, seeing friends who are my family, being so hot I'm sweating just standing still outside, Tex-Mex, the reunion of me & my swimsuit, and hearing "y'all" more often than I see a Starbucks.

Finally, stolen from Nicole, have you ever really wondered about the Stuff White People Like?

Wanna see the video?

Here's the video for "Falling Slowly"...

Once

The movie Once is a new favorite of mine. It has an absolutely incredible soundtrack, featuring the music of the film's two stars. One of the songs from the movie, "Falling Slowly," won the Oscar this year.

As I watched the movie, I started making up song titles to describe my life.

Hopeless Sigh
Retreat
Solo
Waiting for Warmth
The Irony of Feeling Detached
Melancholy of the Soul
Path to Nowhere
That One Friend
Becoming Nonconventional
Do You Speak Psychobabble?

Surreality

Things don't seem real right now. I feel like I'm walking around in this dream-like trance, a fog of sorts. I'm not sure what it's about. I am doing things I don't do, and not doing things I do. I mean, normally. So, I thought I would title the post surreality.

My grandma is safe and sound in Plano, TX now. The house is just a memory. But you know, it's okay for the house to be a memory. It's just brick (and some other stuff). What made it what it was is Grandma. And I still have her. So all is well.

I started a book today called The Female Brain. I'm already intrigued, and wonder what will happen to my convinced state of mind that says gender stereotypes are boo-hockey, and it's all sociocultural anyway. Ah yes, the old nature vs. nurture dichotomy...what ever will we do?

I'm eating Thai for dinner tonight, and that is always exciting. Thai good.

Good things

Music that defies the limits of language

Sunny days in Seattle

OMG, Starbucks makes Chai frappucinos--who knew? Oh so delicious...

Friends re-runs...the epitome of comfort

Discovering Romy, a new boutique with CUTE dresses for $28

Michael Buble

The Psalms

A good run with a good ipod playlist

Working from home

Grey's Anatomy marathon with Melissa

Amanda Bynes double-feature with Thai order-in and good girl friends

Shoe-shopping

Laughing so hard your mascara comes completely off and your belly aches

Dancing

Cinnamon rolls at Alki Bakery

Mexican food at 11pm

Getting 5 books at Barnes & Noble but only paying for one

(Nineteen Minutes, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Reading Lolita in Tehran, The Female Brain, and The Beauty Project)

Being surrounded by friends

Ashley's visit to Seattle

Ashley, Chrissy, me

Reviving Random

Remember when I posted "Random" and "Random the Sequel" back in the day? I think Random earned the most comments to date when it posted. People seems to dig my scary inner monologue. So here's Random, revived and alive...

I was disappointed the last couple of days. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Could, and did, pray. Could, and did, read Psalm 34. Felt much better. God is faithful; He is the ONLY One who is faithful.

I have 2 job interviews. Within 24 hours, I got both calls. I'm nervous and excited, and very aware that an interview is a long way from a hire. We'll see what happens.

My boss introduced me to Grammar Girl. GG's word of the day yesterday was "locavore," which stems from Old English meaning someone who eats local food only (think carnivore, herbivore and you'll get it). I totally dig Grammar Girl. The reason my boss brought it up is because I kept pointing out the tee-niny grammatical errors in some of our documents. Grammar Girl gives "Quick and Dirty Tips" that are extremely useful....I know I have several geeky readers (no offense, I include myself in that crowd) who will say "Enchantee" to Grammar Girl. Enjoy her.

Saw the movie Waitress last night. It was TERRIBLE. Amy, you were dead wrong. Not cute. Terrible.

Saw the movie 27 Dresses last week. It was cute. Except for the very last line. I won't ruin it here for those who have yet to see it, but seriously...2 perfectly good hours of chick flick were utterly destroyed by the last line of the movie. Ugh.

Saw the movie Juno about 3 weeks ago. I bring it up because it was THE BEST movie I have seen in a really long time. It's up for best picture, and I believe Ellen Page, who stars in it, is up for Best Actress. Truly a great movie. I will buy it the second it's out on DVD.

I went running 3 times last week. The last time I'd gone before that was Thanksgiving Day. Needless to say, it pained me greatly to sit on the toilet this week. I hope to get to the point where running doesn't cause such soreness soon.

You know that guy, Mike Huckabee, who's running for President? I met him. Yep. His daughter, Sarah, took my position on the OBU yearbook staff when I left. I even went to the Governor's Mansion. La di da.

And, I asked Sara when in the world it won't be cold anymore. The last time I wore short sleeves was late September. :( We usually get right to 40 degrees before it starts the downturn toward dark. She said it will probably start hitting 50 next month, and then 60 the month after that. That means I have to wait until May for a 70 degree day.

My dad retires March 31st. My grandma sold her house and is moving out by February 29th. Life is changing.

My grandma's house is the closest thing I have to a childhood home. I will not see it again, as I can't get to Corpus by the end of February. I will write a piece called "Grandma's House" as a catharsis.

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. I'm trying to figure out if/what to give up for Lent. I've never given anything up before. Suggestions? (Don't say Starbucks, it won't happen.)

a student no more

I am no longer a doctoral student. I left my program earlier this week.

I am completely happy with this decision. Feeling relieved and free.

Nothing has settled well with the program since I began in September. I spent last quarter trudging through my school work, wondering why I was doing it. I began this quarter, hoping something would click. It didn't.

For the past four years, I have advised college students...helping them talk through their dreams and goals, encouraging them when they wanted to give up, guiding them when they were drifting or following someone's dreams other than their own (likely their parents or corporate America's). I saw students all day, everyday and it was fantastic.

I left that to pursue a doctorate. In pursuing this degree, I lacked a goal which also meant that I lacked motivation. Wanting to be an advisor or counselor and not a professor or senior administrator means that I have no need of a doctorate.

So, I am finishing the quarter with an independent study and my assistantship. Many people are asking if I plan to move back to Texas and the answer is a definitive NO. The last thing I want to do is move again--I'm establishing a wonderful life here in Seattle.

I am looking for jobs, mostly academic counselor or admissions counselor positions at higher ed institutions in the Seattle area. I also have a job offer which would start in April that may well end up being the one I take.

For now, I am content to finish the quarter and see what else God has for me. I want to start my writing again. I want to explore cooking, dancing, French, and softball. And maybe some other things I don't even know about yet. And working at an orphanage or with the homeless where I can pour out Christ's love that He's graciously shown me to those who have only known abandonment.

God's love is BIG and I am excited about that, that much I know.

Night on the town

Chrissy's birthday was last Sunday and how did she want to celebrate? Dancing! So, five, count them--five--Baptist girls went to Capitol Hill for some clubbin' at its finest. And let's face it, we were at our finest too.

We were quite a sight...have you noticed how getting sassy equals wearing black from head to toe? So we did.

We were also a little stair-step with Chrissy at 5'1", Greta at 5'7", Me at 5'10" (with my red high heels--mmm hmm), Melissa at 5'11-12", and Paula at 6'1". Nice, eh?

Unfortunately, I have no pics from the dancing part...we went to a place called the War Room on its hip hop night and let me tell you that we were some of the VERY few whities in da house (Chrissy excepted).

Chrissy & Paula

Mels & me

Me & Mel's red shoes


Me & my Greta

Mels & Chrissy put on their sassy-saucy faces

In other news, Wilbert has been adopted! He was at the Humane Society for less than 2 days...no surprise there!

I got tagged again...

So Marcy tagged me and behold, you have a post...

1. Name one thing you do everyday.

Brush my teeth. Hallelujah.

2. Name two things you wish you could learn.

"Wish" is lame, because I'm of the school of thought that if I want to learn something, I can...it just requires discipline!

Okay, okay...Cooking and dancing are on my to do list lately.

3. Name three things that remind you of your childhood.

Paintings of flowers. My grandma used to paint flowers on EVERYthing...refrigerator, her shoes, the TOILET (scared the crap out of me the first time)

Little girls. I often see myself in them.

Frito pies. Whatever happened to those delicious bits of heaven?

4. Name four things you love to eat but rarely do.

This is hard...I don't deprive myself of much in this department.

Senegalese food, it's a little hard to come by here.
Funnel cakes.
Kari's homemade pizza.
Those orange popsicles with the cream inside.

5. Name five things or people that make you feel good.

Friends who "get" me.
Grandma.
Wilbert.
Hugs.
Positive people

Trying to catch the bus in the snow is like...

Last Tuesday, I was planning to catch the 8:41 am bus down to the U. I was ready at 8:18, so I checked the schedule and a bus also came at 8:23 so I decided to try to make that one. I hurried to put on my shoes and coat, refill my Nalgene, and run down the stairs towards the bus stop.

Check time. 8:22.

I live on 15th Ave NE. It's a 4-lane street and during the 8 o'clock hour has a fair amount of traffic coming through. I looked down the street and saw the bus coming. I looked at the bus stop, still a good 2 minute walk including the need to cross the street.

I should mention here that it had snowed the night before. And what we were left with in the morning was snow. And ice. The thing with ice is you can't really see it. And I, still not knowing how to deal with snow, didn't realize it would still be on the ground the next day. I was wearing tennis shoes. Tennis shoes with no traction.

So, I'm looking at the bus barreling down 15th and decide to make a run for it. I run into oncoming traffic, hoping the whole "pedestrian has the right of way" rule will kick in and no one will run over me. HIGHLY stupid choice.

I eat it right there on the 4-lane street of 15th Ave NE. I mean, my right foot slipped on the ice, my right leg went flying up in a Rockettes-like kick, and I went down on my bottom. Hard.

Much more embarrassed than hurt, I picked myself up and continued to cross 15th, still slipping of course. The bus flies past me because I just lost a good 30 seconds to minute and of course had no chance of making it now (as if I ever did).

Then, oh but THEN, a man pulls up and yells out his car window, "Dude, like, you dropped your water bottle back there." Brilliant. My bright yellow Nalgene was 20 yards back on the curb it had rolled to after my fall. So I had to slip 'n' slide back to the scene of the crime, pick up my Nalgene, and resume walking to the bus stop.

The bus I "missed" wasn't even the one I was trying to catch. It was the one before running late because of the weather. The bus I wanted arrived at the stop about 2 minutes after I did. The running, the falling...it was all for naught.

pieces of me...missing

So, I'm frustrated with the blog.

I used to treat the blog as an open space where Pegs could shine.

Now, I feel like I have to temper each blog post. I have to make it appropriate for the public sphere (not that a million people read it, but you know what I mean).

And that leaves me feeling like the blog is not honest anymore. It is so censored that the real me isn't known.

Most people who know me beyond acquaintance level know that I am nothing if not honest. I am an open book. I meet you once and I'll tell you what my struggles are and who my crush is. (This has backfired on more than one occasion, and for awhile it was hard to open up to people, but I think I've more or less recovered.)

So, I wonder if I should keep the blog anymore. Because really, if all I can share with you is that I'm taking 3 classes (which I do like immensely so far), work part-time for the IAL program (which I also like immensely), and go to a church and community group with some great people...well, I'm just not sure the blog should continue.

I want to be real. But, is the blog the place for that?

If I wrote about the things that are forming me right now, I would share about:
--the restored relationship with my father that has been an answer to nearly 2 decades of prayer
--the dog I had to give up last week, a situation that left me simultaneously aching and at peace that God is already working His glorious ways through it
--my fear that the thing that I want (marriage and kids) is a pipe dream and I wonder everyday why in the world I'm pursuing a terminal degree towards a career that I can only feign passion about on most days

And that's what I'd actually blog about...if I could.

Bits & Pieces

Trip back to Seattle:
*53 hours total, 41 hours drive time
*Marathoned it from Amarillo, TX to Seattle for a total of 34 hours non-stop
*Me with the 3am-10am shift through the treacherous Grant's Pass in northern Cali, southern Oregon

New Year's:
*me, just 4 months after moving here, at a party overlooking the Seattle skyline, including Space Needle

Special surprise:
*Chrissy's found a place to live RIGHT NEXT DOOR. Unbelievable. Really.

Predicted stability from last quarter:
*Community group
*Jim, Sara & Cassady, fantastic faculty advisor, supervisor & peer mentor (respectively)
*My Starbucks at 42nd & the Ave

Predicted adjustments for this quarter:
*Wilbert living in Seattle
*Close friends from Texas, Chrissy & Melissa, living next door
*Tutoring a French-speaking Rwandan refugee who wants to be a doctor
*The myriad ways God will undoubtedly stretch me in His everloving pursuit of relationship with me