You know you're traveling in Oklahoma when...

I just spent approximately 11 hours driving in Oklahoma this past weekend. Just as when I traveled in Texas, Oklahoma had its own distinct brand of traveling tales so you knew exactly where you were.

1. You pay $3.50 to drive on the interstate...not a turnpike, the plain old interstate. (No, we had no cash...we had debit cards. Refer to my "Where's your debit card, lady?" post from earlier in June.)Who has tolls on interstates?
2. You drive and drive for hours according to the Yahoo directions. Then, you think you might have made a wrong turn so you stop at Dairy Queen and ask a shady looking guy in cutoffs what his thoughts are on your situation. After looking you up & down, and finding out your final destination, he says, "Why the hell are you going this way?" Thank you, sir, for your help.
3. You tune in only country...unlike Texas, you don't even have the option of Tejano. It's just country.
4. People are mean. Customer service is non-existent. What's with these Okies?
5. Everyone stares at you for using a cell phone. Seriously, same Dairy Queen as the directions guy...have they never seen one?
6. You ask for the next big town and they tell you "Okmulgee." Is that Oklahoma-nese or what? Turns out Okmulgee WAS big...it had Dairy Queen AND Taco Bell. Score.

Episode Two: 1992--The One with the Quiz

If you are just now joining us and need to read Episode One or if you just need a re-cap, see post on June 12th.

My mother and I lived in a small Texas town during my eighth grade year. Not one to be overly gregarious, I found two best friends and rarely spoke to anyone else, especially anyone of the male species. However, I admiringly looked at a certain boy throughout that year, again in history class. He was another blond with just the right blend of skinny and smart, not overly popular, but friendly enough.

For some reason, from the ripe age of thirteen, I was only interested in the opposite sex in a very permanent way. I imagined a serious relationship with all the romantic moments I could conjure up, including the perfect proposal. The wedding would come shortly after, and I wasted no time scrawling “Peggy (Insert boy’s last name here)” all over any hard surface I could find.

However, my imagination would never take the risk of speaking out loud and the boy in question never knew of our wedding. For all I know, he never even knew of me, except that I was the new girl who didn’t know what county she lived in on the first day of school. We had moved the night before school started, and on the first day my teacher gave a quiz that she thought to be a guaranteed perfect score to start us off on the right foot.

Lesson: Know what county you live in.

Serpent and Squirrel Revisited

Updates on the serpent and squirrels

Episode 2: Is it a serpent or a tadpole?
I drove down Brinker yesterday past where the snake was...it was STILL there! Nobody has moved that poor fool off the baking sidewalk. The snake is now shriveled to the size of a long tadpole.

Episode 2: The Return of Squirrelly
I had lunch out on the bench again yesterday. (Yesterday was eventful.) Again, minding my own business, 4 squirrels ran past me so fast smoke was coming out behind them. Then one stopped (I wonder if it was the Prostrate Squirrel again) and didn't flatten out...this time, he sat up real cute-like about 6 inches from my feet, and he LUNGED at me in an NBA-style fake. I screamed and jumped onto the (swinging) bench. I managed to not fall off, and the screaming scared off Scary Squirrel.
Then he decided to get his revenge. He and his friends jumped into the tree that hangs over the bench. They chased each other all over it, and had a great time. I went back to reading my book...when branches and leaves started pummeling down on my head. I'm beginning to wonder if UNT built this swinging bench on top of a Sacred Squirrel Burial Ground and the squirrels are pissed.

Oh, now it's on...stay tuned for Episode 3: Pegs Strikes Back.
Has anyone else noticed that my life has been reduced to non-humans? Wilbert, snakes, and squirrels. Oh, what a life.

Eureka!

Call me a genius after you hear (read) this one.

The handle on my car door decided to stop working on Sunday. So, since then, I have been crawling out the passenger side of the car amidst students watching in the morning as they walk to class past my rear end stuck high in the air, maneuvering over the gear shift.

This morning, I finally took it to the car place so they could fix it. That's when I was hit by a stroke of genius. I didn't have to crawl over the car...I could roll down the window and open the door from the outside, and step out of my driver's side with all of my dignity in tact.

Eureka.

why they call it squirrelly

We're going to skip right over the conundrum/quandry that the Dallas Mavs have found themselves in by losing 3 in a row to the Heat...

I discovered today why they call it squirrelly. After my lunch today, I realize the term derived from someone who experienced "The UNT Squirrel Community."

I was pleasantly eating my lunch and reading a book on a swing on the UNT campus. I had noticed the squirrels on campus before. If you've been to the Grand Canyon, you know the squirrels are freakishly friendly. They come right up and will eat out of your hand or let you pet them. Bizarre. The UNT Squirrels are the same way.

You know how you can feel someone staring at you without looking up? Well, I had the eerie sense that someone was watching me eat my lunch. So, I looked up. There were approximately 10 squirrels within 5 feet of where I was sitting. Most of them were staring at me, and then one flattened himself out on the sidewalk with all 4 arms/legs extended.

The words that came to mind were odd, off-base, and CREEPY. And there you have it, the origin of the word "squirrelly."

Pegs vs. The Serpent

So I decided to go running the other day. I hadn't gone since leaving Corpus and it was starting to make me crazy. So off I went, down Colorado Blvd where I live and then to follow the sidewalk, I took Brinker Road. Brinker is kind of half-developed, with a new apartment complex on one side and the Sally Beauty Supply headquarters on the other, with nothing else but long grass.

As I ran, I noticed a snakeskin on the side of the road. It was a big snakeskin, and I was pretty sure that if a snakeskin was there, that meant a snake must have been there, and probably not too long before.

So I'm running again a couple of days later, and in front of me a little ways on Brinker, I see this thing in the middle of the sidewalk. It was dark and looked snake-like. Now, God had protected me for 2 years in West Africa. I was the only one on a team of 13 to not see a snake, because God knows I just cannot do snakes at all.

I wasn't taking any chances that it was in fact a snake, and being that I was running, I had no choice but to yell, "Oh HELL no!" and turn around and run as fast as possible back towards my house. I kept checking behind me to see if the snake was chasing me. It wasn't. Thank God.

A day or two later, I decided to see if it was still there...so I drove by, and there it was. A nice, nasty, huge snake. The summers in Texas are hot enough to cook eggs on the sidewalk, and it's been up over 100 for the past couple of weeks. This snake was baked INTO the sidewalk. Disgusting.

There will be no more running for Pegs. I will be joining a gym. Immediately.

The Broken Road-Unabridged

For all those who responded to my June 4th post about the Broken Road Lessons Learned (I've had some very interesting conversations since then), here's the unabridged version for your reading pleasure. I'll be posting one episode at a time every few days or so (to allow for deep reflection).

Ladies, please be encouraged that if you've struggled with those elusive creatures we call men, you're not alone. Guys, if you have ever wondered, "How did she come up with that from what I said/did/didn't say/didn't do?" here is some insight into those elusive creatures you call women.

Disclaimer: The names & places have been removed to protect the innocent (and the guilty). These episodes are in no way intended to offend or hurt anyone, and the author fully realizes the story is told from her own unique (and biased) perspective.

EPISODE ONE: 1991—The One with the Quarterback

It all began in my seventh grade history class where I developed a crush on a blond boy who sat exactly opposite from me. He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I dreamed about, well, talking to him. Finally, the day came. I was busy with the usual, sneaking glances at him during the completely boring lecture, when to my surprise, he caught me looking! I was mortified, until I realized that he was, in fact, trying to get my attention. He held up a piece of paper that said,” WILL,” in big capital letters. Perplexed, I stared and then he held up another that said, “YOU.” One word at a time, he asked if I would eat lunch with him after our class was over. Terrified, of what I don’t know, I shook my head and never looked at him again.

He moved away during that year, and I doubted I’d ever see him again. However, five years later, he reappeared during my senior year of high school, returning with a vengeance as the star quarterback of our football team. Of course, he dated a high-profile drill team member, who coincidentally had been my best friend in kindergarten. I reviewed the scenario, and decided I had jinxed myself for all eternity from successful relationships.

Lesson: Never say no to a date with your dream boy.

Wilbert, the Male Model

I mean, seriously, how cuuuuute is he??

Did you see those Mavs??

Yahoo! The Dallas Mavericks took Game 1 of the NBA Finals! Although the first period sucked, they picked it up the rest of the game. Many thanks to Shaq for dropping 8 of his 9 free throws and to Jason Terry for scoring 32 points!

Did y'all notice the Senegalese guy playing for the Mavs...Go Diop!

Watch Game 2 on Sunday!!

Where's your debit card, lady?

I went to the grocery today...first of all, I miss HEB.
Second of all, I was standing in the so-called "Express Line" at Kroger. The woman in front of me toooookkkkkk thiiiiiisssss looooooonnnnngggg toooooooo do everything.

A)She didn't have a debit card; she was writing a check--who does that anymore? Get a debit card.
2)She wrooooooootttteeee heeeeeerrrrr cheeeeeecccckkkkk lllliiiiiikkkeeee thiiiis. If you can't write (fast), get a debit card.
D)Because she wrote a check, she needed to verify with an ID. She toooookkkkk sooooooo loooonnnngggg to pullllllll ouuuuuuttttt heeeerrrrr ID. Get a debit card.

For the love.

Before all that happened, I had my first freshman orientation experience at work. It was splendid. I actually was able to HELP. I had PURPOSE. I chatted with these poor freshmen.

"What's a credit hour?"
"What's a degree plan?"
"How can I take this? It starts at 8:00."
"If I take this, do I have to take this?"
"Does this count as a Social Science?"
"But I don't want any classes on Friday."
"Crap, can I have another registration sheet? I wrote my first name where I was supposed to write my last name."
"What's my ID number?"

I was called "Ma'am" approximately 80 times today. Oh-my-gosh. I am a Ma'am.

The best part of everyday right now is coming home and setting Wilbert free from his crate. He runs around the apartment so fast and then eventually hits a wall (literally). I laugh everytime. Then he gets really pumped when I pull out his nasty smelling Pedigree. After wolfing it down (as if I don't feed him twice a day), he goes directly to the door and waits for me to collar him and take him out. Then he RUNS like a maniac around the apartment complex. Each walk, at least once, I am asked, "Oh, what is that?" THAT is a dachsund/chihuahua, folks, and he's not a "that"--he's a "him".

Last piece of news...tomorrow, I will begin my first act of Dallas Citizen Patriotism by watching the Dallas Mavericks kick Miami Heat's tail. You should too.

God bless the broken road to...

Well, I don't know exactly where the broken road is leading yet, but God does. This is going to be a post unlike most others. I actually plan to reveal something more than surface level happenings.

I just spent a bit of time rehashing some past experiences (read: heartaches) I've had with the opposite sex. It wasn't easy, but I'm glad I did it. It was good to look back and see what I've learned from all those experiences. Without making you read the entire re-hash, here is what I learned (in no particular order):

1. I will never understand males.
2. I am not supposed to understand them.
3. I have to watch out for the girls too, not just the guys. However, guy or girl, forgiveness is essential.
4. I am a girl. I want to be pursued, not the pursuer.
5. I have to be confident in my identity in Christ, as His bride. No other relationship is eternal.
6. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to eat cookie dough ice cream when I’m sad. Try not to watch Bridget Jones if it’s not a complete disaster.
7. I cannot trust my heart. What do you know, the Bible is right.
8. I need to depend on what God’s Word says about me to maintain a realistic perspective on things.
9. Men are good. They do not intentionally reach into your chest, pull out your heart and stomp on it. I learned this because once, I was the one to reach in and stomp on someone else’s heart. I didn’t mean to, but it did happen.
10. Always keep a couple of girl friends who have had successful relationships around so you can bounce things off them for code-cracking and interpretation purposes. Also, keep nearby friends who are truly for you and will love you no matter how many times these heartbreaking episodes happen.

What I Love about Denton

10. Chipotle
9. La Madeleine
8. Super Target
7. Lunch hour
6. My department--so relaxed!
5. My apartment--fabulous location
4. No wind! I can actually open my car door now.
3. My office...if I don't want to see you, ha! I now have a door to close!
2. Art, art...everywhere art
1. It's NEW!

While I love all these things about my new place, I admit my social life needs a serious jumpstart! I'm visiting churches to hopefully improve the situation and will keep y'all posted. Are there other suggestions out there for how I can meet people (that are legal)?